Topic Tuesday // Feeling anxious when away from your loved one // Tues. 24 Apr. 7pm - 9pm AEST

[Shaz51]

hello @Determined 

[NikNik]

No worries! Welcome @Determined
I was just asking others - are there any strategies that anyone here has put in place to help them feel more comfortable being apart from a loved one.

[Determined]

I am thankful that my darling is relatively compliant in taking meds, I do keep them locked away due to risk and past history of taking too much,  when I am late putting it out she will usually ask for it.

[Adge]

1)Telephone contact with loved-one (or person I'm concerned about) - whilst we're apart.

2) Trying to have someone to phone myself (for support) - especially when overwhelmed living (staying) with my family members.

Because my family's living conditions (when staying there or supporting them) are very stressful.

They're hoarders, & supportive or meaningful communication is largely absent.

3) I'm somehow expected to support my Mum emotionally(interstate) when I'm there - with no emotional support (there) for myself.

So I've had to phone anyone I can think of, eg a friend back home in WA (whilst with family in NSW) for support or some sense of connection- whilst there staying with family members (in NSW).

Especially whilst there for my Dad's Funeral, 2 years ago.

Adge

[NikNik]

Some suggestions we often make to carers is to pre-plan and put things in place before being away from a loved one. Hopefully this helps you feel more comfortable and less concerned about your loved one while you're doing every day things like - work, shopping etc

Create a safety plan

When your loved one is well, consider developing a safety plan. Together, list strategies to cope and details about what actions will be taken if he or she starts thinking about suicide or self-harm. Specify who the person will let know if they are feeling this way so that they get help immediately. A safety plan is the best way to provide structure to what often seems like an uncontrollable and frightening situation. It will also hopefully give you peace of mind that your loved one knows what to do when things reach a certain point.

BeyondBlue have a great Safety Plan template, which you can find here

Communication signals

If  you’re often wondering about a loved ones wellbeing, but either checking in on them too much, or worry about checking in on them too much, creating a communication signals might be helpful.

It can be a way to quickly check in, which gives you peace of mind, but for your loved one, doesn’t feel like they are being smothered.

 One example I’ve seen used is really simple – through texting certain emojis which mean different things.

 There is a pre-determined agreement on three emojis and what they mean. The obvious ones are:

😀 – all good / okay

😕 – Not great, but working on it and will be okay

😔 – Not doing okay, need some support

I’ve also seen people use more symbolic emojis – which makes it a little less serious

👍🏻 – All good / okay

:pile_of_poo: – Not great, but working on it and will be okay

🔥 – Not doing okay, need some support

You can cater these to what works for you. Some people use a similar 1-3 scale.

1 – All good / okay

2 – Not great, but working on it and will be okay

3 – Not doing okay, need some support

Does anyone have any communication strategies they have planned with their loved ones that helps to reduce your own worry or anxiety?

[Shaz51]

@NikNik, mr shaz is usually very good with his meds but now and then he decides to go off them for  some reason

but then I can get him back on track and he is good again for a while

[Determined]

Not always required @NikNik but at times when I am concerned I am able to have my mum or a friend visit while I am out. This has been particularly necessary after discharge from hospital and after any attempts but also where there are thoughts of attempting. 

Darling was initaly resentful of having a 'baby sitter' (her words) but accepts the company now if sometimes grudgingly. 

[NikNik]

That must be so overwhelming @Adge
You're spot on with #2 in particular - having someone YOU can reach out to for support is critical!

[NikNik]

That's great to hear @Shaz51

[NikNik]

That's a great plan to have @Determined - even if it is grudgingly.