To discipline or not for breaking things

[Goldlining]

@wellwellwellnez  how do you do this:

Rage re-directioning, starting with what I'm calling the 2-3 second challenge. The ability to suspend and redirect a destructive impulse is a game changer. Once you learn to hang on for the first few seconds, you get a whole few seconds of harm minimization. You can save a lot of damage with a few seconds because there's usually something less destructible or more expendable around. Also, sometimes a few seconds is enough to switch from breaking mode to running/crying/yelling mode (also fine redirects).

[Former-Member]

@Goldlining 

maybe send the message with @wellwellwellnez  to get the answer

That will direct it to them

I am also waiting to see the 2 - 3 second thing

[wellwellwellnez]

@Goldlining @Former-Member @Appleblossom @hanami 

Sorry for not answering sooner because that is a great question. i.e How to help someone get their 2 to 3+ seconds of control. I want to try and give a thoughtful answer. There's more the one good answer to give.

I'm thinking of two big D's.

In peace times the D is discipline.

(edit: I just realized I'm answering with the original question of the title. So the short answer is an affirmed "yes", but the long answer feels really important.)

I'm mainly talking discipline from restorative/recovery point of view. which I'd summarize as,

While success is always variable, the act of trying is always correct.

That doesn't mean trying all the time.

It means every time we try we win at the very act of trying.

The healthiest thing any mind can do is, try.

- me

"Discipline" is really just a fancy word for "following". Which is really just a way of describing "how we move forward". Regaining a sense of control, under high and low pressure, is the same skill.

In not so peaceful times, the D is de-escalation.

I'd refer to all the official literature that speaks to you in that area. It's an art and a science. (Which means dealing with some contradictions. But, hey, the other person in question is also dealing with contradictions, so it's all part of the arena).

The ability to cool-down with de-escalation techniques is intrinsically linked with the ability to heat-up with discipline.

[Former-Member]

@wellwellwellnez 

Well Well Well Nez.

A delayed reply as you stated, but with a lot of depth.

I hope to absorb these later.

I think I know what you mean.

Not sure where the 2 - 3 minutes test is. Maybe the thinking takes 2 - 3 minutes.

[outlander]

hi @Goldlining it sounds quite difficult with what your dealing with
i would reccomend taking her to the drs for a care plan to see a psychologist. they will be able to assist with a diagnosis, support and to teach her anger management skills and well as determining what is making her so angry.
a psychiatrist helps with medications and diagnosis, a psychologist helps with coping strategies and working through problems. its quite beneficial to have both esp since she is so young and can learn to manage the outbursts if she is given the right coping methods

[Goldlining]

Thanks @outlander, so does it sound like she has a mental health condition? What’s the diagnosis process? 

[outlander]

hi @Goldlining i am not able to say whether she does/doesnt have a mental health condition but to me she does appear to be struggling with her emotions and how to regulate them with signs of a mental health condition.

The first step in getting some form of diagnosis is to take her to the gp. with her anger she may resist you but try and be open and honest in the appointment about how her anger is affecting herself and also those around her. ask for a mental health care plan, from here she can access a psychologist. Places like Headspace are very good for young people and are able to access free psychologist vists, they often have support groups and activites aimed at young people and managing mental health conditions.
a psychiatrist is another mental health professional that can assist with a diagnosis, they will run through various questions to get a better idea on what is causing her outbursts etc as well.

it is a tough situation to be in but it sounds like your doing the right things by getting her some supports. i would also suggest you have some supports in place as well to help you to cope through this tough time.

[outlander]

hi @Goldlining just wondering how your going?

[YankeeBob]

When my daughter was 13 she revealed to me her fear regarding my unpredictable anger

I was fortunate to find a men’s anger management support group

Take care. Be well.

YB