Lived Experience Forum

[Andrea1]

Btw my man was texting me today few times, just simple. “Good morning beautiful” so much rain today”… Sometimes I feel like he keeps in touch just enough so we can meet when he needs me.

 I still get butterflies when he messages me and just when I decide to try and move on he comes back. Yesterday I have booked an appointment with psychologist, because I know that he will get distant again and I can’t keep going like that. Been feeling so down the last couple of months.

[Eve7]

Hi @Andrea1  and a big welcome from me to the forums. I’m so sorry this has happened and that you are so sad right now.

I have no words of wisdom  but just want to assure you that you won’t ever be alone here.

Take care 💚

[Andrea1]

Hi @Eve7  Thank you so much to you and everyone else. You all are great support and it means a lot. Especially now when I am feeling down. Thank you ❤️

[Clawde]

GoodMorning @Andrea1  I remember that feeling of Heartbroken, it’s like everything in your life is on that point of wishing and praying even down to our breaths we take, I remember a friend at that time in my life trying to explain, once a relationship is done, in can never be the same again, I cried and said no no we are getting back together again and this friend told me it will not work out for long,  at the time thinking I know everything I tried to keep with this person, and over the time most times I was happy when my love of my life let me be, gave that smile the bit of attention, along this journey because of my intense feelings I used that extra un explainable energy to do even more, like I made my self change Job, change car, etc it was a growth in life, because of the extreme extraordinary power the heart can have, but the relationship unfortunately never came good at the end, and it was a roller coaster ride, but as I am being honest I still wonder and look back, and think of that person to this day. I have loved since, and it’s a wonderfull feeling, nothing like it, the whole world looks different, so back to my friend with the advice of when’s it’s over it’s over, because the truth hurts, I still respect that person, but we are not friends, because it was not what I wanted to hear. Even though, this person was wise, explained the MASLO Theory, and all that other stuff in those times, but you just can’t help that feeling, even though in your heart it maybe time, cherish your feeling, it’s ok to be human love from Clawde 😍

[Andrea1]

@Clawde  When I first met him, I felt this huge chemistry, and every time I would see him I would start shaking. I had boyfriends before but never felt this way with any of them. Then we started dating. The first year of us being together was the most amazing year of my life, I was in haven. And him too. He said that he never loved like that before, that he usually can control his feelings but not with me. He did love me, I felt it. But then something happened and he slowly changed. He became more distant. And I asked him why, he said it’s work. I didn’t like it but I accepted it. We would still share beautiful moments just not as much as before. Then, about 2 months ago, I saw this lady, his neighbour and she told me that he is seeing someone else. This was in shopping centre. I was in shock. Felt paralysed. And off course I asked him if it’s true, he said no, they are just friends. But he didn’t tell me about his friendship with her because I am sensitive and he didn’t want me to hurt. He said he never had anything more with her, just friendship. I asked him please just be honest, doesn’t matter if it hurts as long as you are honest with me. He still denied. I asked him if he likes her, he said, well she is nice. Everything has changed after that. I knew that he wasn’t honest. My heart was in pieces, I never felt such a pain before. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was keeling me. Just a thought of them 2 together. But I played strong with him and every one else, I didn’t even cry. I was saying to myself, you deserve happiness and why would you torture yourself, he is with her having a good time while you suffering. So I played so strong even with myself, when in reality I was broken inside. I kept going like that for 2 weeks. Then I couldn’t anymore. I thought he would change for better now that I know things, but no, he was still distant. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. The heaven I was once in turned into hell. And I was broken in and out. Crying for 2 days straight, thought that I wouldn’t survive the pain. I wasn’t even trying to be strong. I lost hips of weight, couldn’t eat at all. Didn’t want to talk to anyone or to go anywhere. I wasn’t living I was just existing. But he had no idea what I was going trough. We would still talk like nothing happened and I smiled when I was dying inside. I just didn’t want to bother him. My family was so concerned about me, I couldn’t pretend anymore. I became depressed and I still am. I heard once that if you didn’t love then you didn’t hurt. And that’s so true. I have so many guys that would give the stars if I gave them just a bit of attention. But no, none of them is him, and he is so unique. He is the one. I feel a bit better now but far from good. I am trying to accept that it’s over. And when I left my previous boyfriend they felt the same way I feel now, so this is my karma now. But at least I was honest with both of them and didn’t want to give them false hope. At this moment I feel so numb, and I know that it will take long time for me to go back to my old self and that’s what scares me. I know that soonest I tell him goodbye the sooner it will pass, but I just can’t do that. Just a thought of not ever seeing him again or hearing from him again is killing me. But I also know that the day will come, so I am trying to be emotionally ready when it happens. Last night he wrote such a nice massage to me, and my reply was very plain. As much as I want him, I don’t want it if it’s not real. And that’s the problem I don’t know what’s the truth. What if I am wrong. But like I said my intuition is telling me that it’s not right. I guess the time will show me the way I should take. For now I need to pick up myself and detach. It’s hard but I must. Being here and talking to you guys is one step forward. I can feel the support and I can’t thank you enough.

[Clawde]

Hey @Andrea1  lovely well written, your smart but honest I get it , understand really.

I wonder does this guy know how much of a life mistake path he is on, If I knew him Clawde would simply say wake up ####

[Andrea1]

@Clawde  Hehe you just put a big smile on my face. Thank you so much for that ❤️
I said to myself it’s his loss not mine, but silly heart still hurts.

[Andrea1]

@Clawde  Now that you mentioned my writing I would like to apologise for mistakes in my grammar. English is my second language, i been living in Australia for six years now, and I spoke zero English when I first came here.

[Clawde]

Hey @Andrea1 

 From my own past, and what other people have told me

is this, wether you liked the person or not, on any scale,

is you have to make a new relationship to let go of the past one.

like no one really let’s go or changes the road till they make the next path, I don’t understand it either, but it really does work, and also this gem and this is true don’t be looking, even though you think you are just don’t and someone just comes into your life like when your not looking, weird thing I know, but as soon as your looking after you, only, and your getting on with it, being it is what it is, this really does happen, it’s like some sort of magic, you think at the time, this only happens to other people, but one day, we will message again, and you will tell me, it happened, and the other thing is when you find your stride in life take it, don’t settle for anything less than your best friend yourself could dream of. So to summarise let go move forward, he had his chance and has blown it, don’t look back, look forward, someone else is looking at you already, the thing in life is it’s yet to show you. And it will be mind blowing, good luck and I feel excited for you, to go through the next door.👏👍

[Andrea1]

@Clawde  Thank you. I can’t wait for that day to come. I am tired of feeling miserable. And yes, we will message, and I will be telling you about the new life and new person that will bring me happiness. 
And also I want to mention that I am here to support anyone too, with any issues, i am a good listener, i love helping people and I always did In any way I can. So count on me anytime xx