Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Hey @Coffeelover82 ,

I'm sure everyone here welcomes you with open arms! Feel free to introduce yourself and get to know others who have had similar struggles and are here to tell their story.

He @BPDSurvivor 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Coffeelover82 and welcome to the forums 👋

[Coffeelover82]

Hi everyone. 

Thank you to @Faith-and-Hope and @tyme for the welcome. 

I’m new here. Late 30s and just recently been diagnosed in the last 2 years with BPD. I have sooooo many questions! 

But I suppose what it comes down to is wanting to hear and learn others stories about what worked for them. I have read about DBT etc but then also have read stories that sometimes less formal type psychology sessions have helped. What has everyone found helped them? 

I’m also interested to hear from people who have followed a career within social work, mental health support etc. How do you find it? What are some challenges you have encountered? 

Also, I think I have replied to someone’s comment in order to post this. I can’t work out how to just make a general comment/post in the BPD flipping the script thread. 

Thanks all! 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Coffeelover82 

You’re all good.  Clicking on Reply at the bottom of the previous response is the usual way to post, although you can always click on reply at the bottom of anyone’s post, and then they will be notified of your response to their post, if there is someone or something you particularly want to answer to.

BPD is not a field that I am familiar with, but there are many others here with lives experience who can share their stories and advice.  You have come to the right place and landed in the right thread ❣️

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @Coffeelover82 !

Totally awesome you could join us here!

For me, I needed a very structured psychotherapy program to support my BPD recovery. I completed mine through Spectrum - Personality Disorder Service in Victoria. It was such a thorough process. I actually completed Mentalisation-based therapy which was sooo incredibly effective for me. It didn't feel it was doing much at first, but towards the end of 18months or so, I could look back and see such promising results.

BPD requires long-term therapy. It's not a short term, overnight thing. 

How I like to explain it is that it has taken your whole lifetime to build-up these unhelpful coping mechanisms (self-harm, dependency, impulsivity). Therefore, it will take a lot of intense therapy to 'undo' the unhelpful and re-teach the helpful. 

With my MBT, I had about 3 hours of therapy each week . This included a group and individual session each week. And yes, it was a very difficult process. Learning to sit with unpleasantness was one of the hardest things.

I just want to assure you that BPD is very treatable. You can recover from it. Treatment speeds up the recovery.

And now, because of how far I've come, I can't but reach out to others to support them. I work closely with The Australian BPD Foundation and Spectrum (as a peer volunteer). This is where my heart is. I want to be able to give people hope.

In terms of my actual job, I teach. Having been through my own MH journey, I am able to connect with the students so much more. 

Another thing I have posted about here before is that I've noticed that most people with BPD end up working in fields where they help people including teaching, caring, disability, nursing, social work... so with your interest in these areas, it just strengthens my case!

I'd LOVE to answer any questions you have. But I'm mindful I do not want to overwhelm you.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @NoDirtyLaundry , the above post I just finished writing may also be applicable to you.

Welcome to our BPD thread!

Ask any questions you may have.

BPD is such an awesome channel to take you on a world of discovery. I've learnt to embrace it.

[BPDSurvivor]

TW: BPD Episode details

Hey @Faith-and-Hope @Coffeelover82 @tyme @Little_Leopard @Former-Member @Needhope @Ocean2 @NoDirtyLaundry 

Well, I’ve cooled down now, but I certainly had a BPD episode today. 

I got into an argument with family. I hated them. Then the hate turned inward. I wanted to self harm, I wanted to hurt myself, I wanted death so badly. My thoughts became so dark. I stopped eating and just cried. I watched part of a movie and the people in it were dying from sickness. I coveted them so much. Then my thoughts went to my family doing things behind my back and excluding/abandoning me from things. I checked the security cameras on my phone, I listened for noises, my brain travelled around all the dark places of the world.

I didn’t know how to go on. I was hurting so much inside.

You know what it took to get me out of it? I got offered a burger. I didn’t take it, but that’s all it took to take cool the fire within me.

This is the part neither I understand nor expect others to understand. The emotional pain so sooooo strong, to the brink of suicide, and then it all flips when a tiny thing happens.

All I can say is that that used to be every moment of my day. At least now it’s once every few months.

Inside, I’m still hurt about what my family said to me today, but at least I’m not actively finding ways to die.

That’s BPD in a nutshell. I’m not sharing for sympathy, but sharing to help people better understand our brain. Not even I understand.

I hope I haven’t triggered anyone. But the emotional pain is so real. The words my family said to me today are playing over and over in my head and I absolutely hate myself.

Let’s just say, tomorrow’s a new day. Thank you for reading.

[BPDSurvivor]

@encee , how are you?

[Little_Leopard]

Hey @BPDSurvivor . It sounds like you have been on a roller coaster and you must be feeling exhausted. I’m so glad that a small act of kindness was all it took to re regulate your system. Sometimes the smallest/strangest things change everything.

If you would like to share what is was that hurt you maybe I could share some of my thoughts from an outside perspective. Of corse only if you think you would benefit.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and giving yourself lots of love. For me I know that these powerful emotional experiences leave me utterly exhausted and feeling shame. These big emotion are so powerful and they really do overwhelm and  penetrate your entire existence. It takes a bit for me to get back in my grove.

Thank you for sharing with us. It’s so thoughtful and beautiful that you allow others to know about your lived experience so that we may all benefit.

As you know, I’m not exactly diagnosed with BPD but I sure do understand what it’s like to become extremely disregulated and have my mind and body completely overwhelmed and even controlled by powerful emotions. These forums are incredible because it’s the one place I come and know that others will understand how mind blowingly difficult it is.

I haven’t seen you for a bit. Besides  this situation what’s new for you? 

[Former-Member]

@BPDSurvivor 'The emotional pain so sooooo strong, to the brink of suicide, and then it all flips when a tiny thing happens.'

I can so relate to this. Human kindness is so powerful. I still don't understand BPD thoroughly enough to know why a simple act of human kindness regulates us. But it does. I know for me animals do this too. I can be in such a dark place all day, then I see the birds bathing in the water I put out for them and abracadabra, I'm laughing and smiling and the world's a great place again, for that moment at least. And, it's the moments like that that save us. 

We experience such extremes in emotions, there are negatives but there are amazing positives associated with that. We appreciate things others dismiss. When we laugh, we laugh louder, when we love, we love deeper. We see beauty in the simplest of things and we treasure everyday moments which most others overlook. 

To come back from the depths of despair by the offer of a burger just proves the light is always there in you, flickering away, even when you feel overwhelmed by darkness. You still have hope when many would have lost it by now. Your strength and resilience shines through!

You are amazing, I hope you really know that. 🌟