Lived Experience Forum

[Parzival]

I’ve been feeling really depressed lately, and sometimes suicidal. I haven’t had the energy to use forums, and I feel too dependent on my phone for mindless distractions. I’m extremely lonely and isolated from others, and this aloneness is making me want to die.

[Friendlyflutter]

Hi @Parzival, Thank you sharing how you are feeling, 

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling isolated. 

I am concerned about your safety. I have sent you an email, please have a look. 

We are here with you 

[NatureLover]

Very sorry to hear, @Parzival  ... Sending wishes for you... 

[MayaBird07]

Hi @Parzival 

I am sorry to read how you are feeling at the moment. It is an all too familiar feeling. I found loneliness to be a really tough emotion to overcome at times. I have woken up some mornings with 'i want to die' being the first thought I have. It's awful when our minds mess with us like that. 

All I can say is that you are not alone and it is great that you have reached out. 

Despite how hard things are, remember that so far, you have survived all of your worst days. You are stronger and braver than you think and it is ok to be alone sometimes, even when we do feel lonely. 

Please make sure you reach out to any of the mental health services available if you are feeling suicidal, you do not need to deal with these things on your own. 

I hope you are going ok and keep in touch on the forum if nothing else. I would like to know you are ok. 

[Parzival]

Hi @MayaBird07 , thank u for showing me kindness. I often go through weeks at a time where the first and last thought of each day is “I want to die” too. I’ve not been coping recently, I am tired and dull

[MayaBird07]

Hi @Parzival 

I'm sorry to hear you are still having a hard time. It is so hard to function when your mind tells you that you want to die as soon as you open your eyes and it being your last thought before sleep, I'm sure it makes going to bed anxiety provoking. 

I found those to be my most difficult days. 

My psychologist told me to remember that our minds lie to us and these thoughts are more likely to come up when we are facing things in life that are difficult or feel impossible to get through. 

While in the moment it feels like you are going to feel like this forever, know it is temporary.

I found saying STOP out loud when the thoughts came up to be a quick way to try to snap my mind out of it. It's not a cure, but I found it did help in the moment.

Take care of yourself as best you can, and make sure you reach out to.. well anywhere.. friends, family, this forum, or any other mental health service should the thoughts become overwhelming. 

You will get through this and you are a lot stronger than you think. You reached out on this forum, that is a great start. I hope you wake up one day soon with a clear mind, but don't punish yourself for what you are going through at this moment. 

I hope today is a brighter day for you, but if not, thats ok too. Better things are on the horizon even if you cant see it right now.