Not Coping

[PizzaMondo]

I hear you @Birdofparadise8 - it sounds like your environment is contributing further to your feelings of sadness and overwhelm right now.. I know you stated you don't want to be antisocial right now, but I wonder if just for a bit, while your room mates also settle back in - if you would feel more comfortable being cosy in your room around the things you love!?

I'm also very curious about these books for uni.. text books?! I can imagine they're bricks 😛

What do you feel like might be helpful right now for you to feel a little less overwhelmed? I believe that when we 'feel like' we are going to cry.. maybe sometimes we need to let ourselves.. a cathartic cry is so powerful - often makes me feel better after I release a bit of that extra salt in my body 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

It's okay; they are both in their room. 

I'm just sitting here still watching tv. I need to decide what pasta dish I will make, either carbonara or a tomato-based sauce. 

We have a mandatory res meeting at 6:30 so that sucks. 

Yes, they are so heavy. Four textbooks weigh 10.1 kg. 

I'll probably hold off the crying until after the meeting. I need to have a shower and go to Woolworths. 

I also don't know why I feel alone when I'm not alone anymore. Loneliness sucks and makes sadness and all the other things I'm feeling way worse. @PizzaMondo 

[Jynx]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 just been reading along a lil, can see it's been a bit hectic for you today. 

Communication is definitely key - what have your conversations been like with your housemates so far? Have you established any kind of boundaries with them? Something I always found helpful in sharehouse situations was to have semi-regular house meetings. Make it fortnightly or monthly or something, and use that time to have an open, honest discussion about anything that any member of the household is finding difficult or challenging. Usually, it's the dishes 😅 

But doing this means that there's a far lower chance that resentment will start to build.  And, you can make it into a bit of a fun thing too, where you have the meeting and then afterwards everyone splits a pizza and watches a movie together or something. 

When you say you don't want to lock yourself in your room - why not? If that's what you need in this moment, then you should respect that need within yourself and not force yourself to be 'social' when you're not feeling up to it. In my experience as well, whenever I try to push myself to be social when I'm just not feeling it, I end up not being particularly pleasant to be around. We all gotta recharge our social battery from time to time. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @Jynx 

They only arrived yesterday and today, and then they are both going back home tomorrow or Wednesday, so maybe on Monday next week; I'll see if they are both free, and we can chat about expectations around here. 

Oh well, I do like sitting in the living room and watching TV. They were in their rooms, cleaning and talking. 

I didn't want to lock myself in my room while they were talking because they wanted to talk to me. 

They both have now locked themselves in their room anyway. So I don't know. 

I'll have to go to my room when they are here to cry, but I don't want them to hear me. @Jynx 

[PizzaMondo]

Sounds like you have a few tasks ahead of you - carbonara is always a winner for me, yum! Pasta is a good idea, I think I'll make some tonight too 😛

@Birdofparadise8 I feel you.. even though there are people around you and you're not lonely anymore, you still feel lonely... this makes me wonder what you might be needing, or perhaps missing from the people around you?

I have experienced loneliness even when having "best friends" .. to later learn that the loneliness was stemming from not being "seen, heard or understood" by them. I identified that I needed (and wanted!) to connect with others who had the capacity to listen, respect, and mutually share about themselves (and their interests!).

This kind of lessened those feelings of loneliness for me personally, but I wonder, do you feel seen, heard and understood by those around you?

[Jynx]

I'm sure once you all become accustomed to one another a bit more, it will be easier and you will have found your rhythm @Birdofparadise8. 

Totally sucks to have to dampen/repress the loudness of crying hey. I know that feeling. Maybe you can find yourself a nice, secluded spot somewhere nearby if you do need to let loose at times. 

[Birdofparadise8]

What type will you cook @PizzaMondo

I want comfort and support. Someone to reach out to me and say hello and see how I am. I've only known these two for a couple of weeks but haven't lived with fben all together until today. They both have come and gone at different times. 

I don't have many people around me. I have my aunt and uncle but they don't reach out to me. I have one friend from uni last year who I still talk to but I wouldn't call him if I was crying type of thing. I only have professional support for that which is a bit sad. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yes I think it will become easier. 

I don't really know anywhere around me that doesnt have people. I’ll just have to many fbe the best I can. @Jynx 

[Jynx]

Another option, which you can obvs totally reject @Birdofparadise8 - you could always let your housemates know that you are struggling with your mental health, and that sometimes they may hear your crying; and then also let them know how you'd like them to respond if they do. Like would it be meaningful for you if they checked in on you, or would you prefer they leave you be in those moments. Perhaps it's something to consider once you've all gotten to know each other a bit better and you can decide whether they feel like safe people to be that open with 👍

[Birdofparadise8]

Hmm, well, I talked with one of them last night, and we talked from 6 pm until after 10 pm. 

I think we will all get along well, but I don't want to put all my stuff on them. I don't want to make everything about myself. It would be nice if they checked in on me, but I would instantly stop crying and start to smile. @Jynx