Not Coping

[Former-Member]

Thanks heaps @Snowie 🌺🤗

and the same for you 🌺☺️

im just doing a bit of catch up study @Birdofparadise8 🙂💜🌺

[Former-Member]

That’s a hard one to answer @Birdofparadise8 💜🌺

Maybe it’s worth asking what he sees in terms of the friendship moving into the future..? 
And possibly explaining the value of the friendship to you..? 
I think choosing words very carefully would be helpful, so he doesn’t think negatively of what he reads.. even though that’s not how it should be. 
the reason I say that is because I’m hoping he wouldn’t speak of this type of message to others, or show them your message… I am thinking of how this might be socially distancing if he was to do something like that? 

im sorry if that’s not so helpful dearest - I’m old school, and talk on the phone when these kinds of situations come up, instead of text. 

just thinking of your protection 🙂💜🌺

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah I'm doing a quiz from one of the links you sent it's very helpful other than it asking me the same question multiple times. 

I don't care if he talks about me to others. If that's how he sees me than so be it. I've always be kind, undersanding and supportive of him. I helped him when he broke up with his boyfirend and a few other things. Yes he has also been supporive with me with my depression and when I've been in hospital. 

What do you think of the below? I can delet the bit about me being upset if that doesn't sound very good. And yes the phone would be good. I think he is a messeging person. 

Hi (name), I've been having a think today and I'd appreciate it if you could give me an indication as to where our friendship is going moving forward. I understand you are working this year with your internship so it has made it harder to catch up and also the increasing in your night time socialising on the weekend which is great for yourself. I do feel yesterday was unfair seeing you go out every weekend and I was really looking forward to going to the market with you. I was a bit upset and hurt that you would want to go out drinking over spending time with me when you know I don't like going out late. I feel we have had great conversations over the past year since meeting last year and we got on very well at uni last year. I really do appreciate you and you have been very supportive over this past year, but I'd like some direction as to where things are going. I am more than happy to sit down have a drink and just talk but if that's not where you're at with wanting a friend then that's okay. @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

I’m really glad the quiz links were helpful, even with being a bit repetitive … I tried to find the best options, however unfortunately nothing is always 100% with automated programs 🙂🌺

Thanks for sending through your thoughts regarding what to send.. it’s always a bit difficult to predict how it will land with someone without knowing him, however I think what you have written outlines how you’re feeling and also outlines that you’d like to kindly find out how he is feeling about the friendship, using examples 🙂

I have a suggestion if that’s ok, for your last sentence..? 
I was thinking rather than say something that might be perceived as answering for him (but if that's not where you're at with wanting a friend then that's okay), maybe rewording to say something like, however itd be really nice/great to sit down and have a chat about your thoughts, sometime next weekend/a convenient date.. 

if that makes sense? 

all said with kindness and in the hope of being helpful 🙂🌺

feel free to disregard if this doesn’t work for you dearest @Birdofparadise8 💜💜🌺

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @Former-Member 

Okay I think I'll just delet the whole bit about catching up it was more of a genral thing as of what I like to do. 

I'll send it and let you know how it goes if that's okay with you. 

Yes I know it's better than me making it myself.

[creative_writer]

Hi @Former-Member and @Birdofparadise8 I hope you are both doing well 💖

@Former-Member I found EMDR helpful for my trauma, I hope you find it healing too 💖

[Former-Member]

Ok @Birdofparadise8 - wishing you all the best 🙂💜🌺

feel free to post how you go when ready 💜🌺

[Former-Member]

Hey there @creative_writer 🙂🌺💜

how are you doing today? 🙂

im ok thanks - just studying 🌺

hey thanks heaps for sharing your experience regarding EMDR - that’s really helpful ☺️🤗🌺

I’m hopeful, and I think it might be relatively easier because I have had no interventional therapies in the past..kind of like a blank slate to start with, if that makes sense? 💜🙂

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member I’ve been pretty exhausted, it’s period day 1. I also got triggered this morning and I better try to find allergy meds, I think my allergies have flared and it’s causing heaviness in my head. It’s okay though, I’m used to swallowing the emotional pain.

I hope studies are going smoothly today 💖🙂. Finding the right therapy can be so helpful in recovery process. I think I get what you mean by blank slate.

[Former-Member]

Yes that does make sense regarding feeling exhausted @creative_writer 💜🌺

it’s also quite tiring trying to uphold emotional safety and comfort when feeling triggered and swallowing emotional pain 😔❤️‍🩹🌺

Is there anything the forum can do for you in terms of chatting here? 💜🌺🙂

study is going well thank you - it’s a nice day for it, here at home 🙂🌺

Yes I agree regarding finding the right therapy, and I’m hoping it can help with the skills and tools to move forward a bit more with my life 💜🙂🌺