Not Coping

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I'll support Carlton of course!! Lol!

I will have to see how I go with appointments and such. If I need to I will just say I have to leave early and miss ring leader can suck lemons because I sure as heck wouldn't tell her why I need to leave early. She'd blab to everyone no doubt.

It's a 3 day weekend, Monday is WA Day, used to be called Foundation day. 

At least you don't have to get up early! Mind you I used to be up at 5.30 every morning for my last job. I actually prefer starting early so there's time to do things in the evening. Of course you then have to go to bed early, arrgh!

I'm praying 🙏 something comes up for you soon.

I remember you telling me about your mum and the payments for psych. Hopefully you won't have to worry about that and it sounds like mum will make sure you get to see your psych when you need to.

That's good that you're able to reduce your KHL appointments too. See, you're improving even when you don't feel.you are 🤗

I have seen excerpts of Young Sheldon but haven't watched a full episode. Sheldon used to annoy me in Big Bang so I will probably check it out and see what I think.

I'm thinking I might go for a walk tomorrow, there are some really nice walking trails not too far away. I'm hoping it might help my sadness. 

So aside from osteo do you have anything else on tomorrow?

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay great, thanks @ENKELI 

Oh no, you wouldn't need to say what the appointment is for. She could blab. 

Did you work today?

I would have to get up at 4:30, which I wouldn't like. Especially with having a uni class finishing at 6 pm the day before would suck big time. 

Yes, I don't know why he was so pent up on knowing how long mum would pay for she said she would and I'll leave it at that. 

Hahaha, eh, maybe, though yes, it is good. 

My psych thinks we are at a crossroads because my mood stabiliser seems to be blunting me and I'm not able to feel my emotions. I'm not sure I want them any stronger, but I'm not connecting with my body so it would be nice to see what I'm like not on them. 

That sounds sounds fun. I'm sorry you feel so sad right now. I'm here with you. 

No nothing else. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I did work today but finished early for once.

He's probably worried he won't get paid! It's good that he's concerned in a way, it means he's thinking of your needs.

You've already brightened my evening princess, thank you 👸

No, having to get up early when you have late classes is not fun. I remember having a late class and not getting home until really late, then having to get up early for a 7.30 class the next day. It was okay for students who had cars but I had to catch 2 buses.

It sounds like the mood stabiliser is doing too good of a job. As much as I'd love not having highs and lows I don't know how good it would be long term. 

I'm also worried about if I need to up my meds, I'm on a pretty high dose as it is but I'm worried I might be developing a tolerance to it. I'm definitely experiencing more down moments than I had before last year. I have to get an appointment with my doc and discuss it with him. Hopefully once I am seeing a psych regularly again things will improve. 

I have more negative thoughts about just existing these days. I feel like life is just one negative experience after another and I start to wish for peace. I'm not in danger of SH or SI but I'm definitely not happy to be alive most days.

I've just had my scrambled eggies with cheese, delish! Didn't even add any condiments. 

Once you've gone to bed I might bingewatch some Young Sheldon and then let you know tomorrow what I think.

I've barely watched Netflix since I started working, time to get my moneys worth, especially since the price is going up! Fiends!

[ENKELI]

Hey @tyme how are you going my lovely?

I often say a prayer for you when I'm asking God to look after the Sane fam.

Hope your weekend is filled with love and goodness 💐❤️

[tyme]

I'm doing well. Just following your posts. Sounds like you work a lot. Hope you are okay about it. @ENKELI 

Thank you for your prayers. Much appreciated. I love my forums family very much.

[Birdofparadise8]

Right okay @ENKELI 

Mmm, I don't think that was his worry. Remember, he wanted to push the session out to fortnightly. He can fill the spot, I'm sure, quite easily. 

I don't want things to end abruptly. I find the money side of things so weird discussing it but oh well. 

Aww, you're too kind. 

Oh, really, a 7:30 class for high school or uni? 

Yeah, my psych said he has looked over our session videos, and how bubbly I was then isn't as much now. I'm scared if I come off them, though, I will become even more depressed and then have SI, especially with the long uni break. I suppose I will have to see if I come off them, and if things don't work out and I do become worse, I will go back on them. I see my pdoc on the 12th, so I will talk to him about coming off it. 

I think talking to your doctor will be a good idea, and finding a psych. 

I'm so sorry you're starting to have SI thoughts. I'm happy you're safe, though. I know how hard they are to have, but know I'm here for you. 

Please reach out if they get worse. I want to be able to help you. 

That sounds yummy. 

Young Sheldon is much better than Big Bang Theory. I know Mum told me it was going up. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 late classes were for Uni.

It was an electronic engineering class too so really intense. Then the next morning we'd have an early class followed by several hours of prac. I heard the whole curriculum has changed now, but I'm glad I got to do theatre arts and history of costume and theatre. 

I agree, the money issue should be discussed with your mum, not you, since she's paying for the sessions. It sounds like he is concerned for you though, otherwise he wouldn't be worried about the sessions ending. 

I don't think you'll be taken off the stabilisers, maybe the dosage will be adjusted.

I know it took several tries with my medication to find a balance and even then it wasn't foolproof. I had my "holiday" in hospital and was put on additional meds. The dosage has increased with both and I may be due for another increase if my mood doesn't improve long-term. 

Anyway, it's almost bedtime for you precious girl.

I hope you sleep well and I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow. 

You're a special person, princess. Never forget that.

And thank you for making me less sad 🫂💐👸💙👑

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @ENKELI 

Oh, okay, that sounds interesting. 

Oh no, I use my mum's credit card to pay. He wouldn't talk to my mum anyway. I do all the administrative side of my medical appointments. 

Yeah, maybe I will wait and see. 

I look forward to chatting tomorrow as well. That's okay. I'm so pleased I was able to help you feel less sad. You are also very special to me as well. 

Ah, okay, I hope you won't need to go back to the hospital, but you need to do what is best for your MH. 

I am going to have to say goodnight now; I hope you enjoy watching Young Sheldon and have a good night. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @ENKELI @tyme @ArraDreaming @Blackbird11 @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Snowie 

How is everyone today? 

I'm just waiting to see my osteo. 

[Birdofparadise8]

My friend texted back about catching up and said, "I'd like to stay friends, but I don't like the one-on-one thing that much". 

He knows I don't like going out drinking, so I have no clue what to do. 

I feel so disappointed now.