Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

does anyone else with autism struggle to make lasting friendships? i have a couple of long standing friends but all of them are neurodivergent as well i struggle to make friends with neurotypical people and even if i do manage to make friends with them initially i end up being ghosted. all of my friends from highschool ghosted me and i will never know why but basically as soon as they werent forced to see me anymore they cut and ran. i only have 3neurotypical friends and 2 of them are new friends who i am still getting to know. i just dont know what i am doing that is so off putting for people like am i boring or something idk i get told i am a nice person but then that is apparently not enough and i try my best to listen and be empathetic and to support people but i am never the first choice friend and i havent had a best friend since year 2 in primary school i just dont know what i am doing wrong. 

[Doog]

I'll be following this thread with interest. It describes me totally.

[creative_writer]

@Eden1919 I also have ASD and find it hard to make friends. I find it hard to click with people and feel comfortable around them. I have lots of social anxiety. I do find it easier at times to relate to other NDs. I think in a way I’ve sort of given up trying to force friendships with people I just can’t relate to (I don’t need to form relationships in places I don’t see myself fit just for the sake of being normal), but then I barely relate to anyone to end up with very little friends. It is tricky. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, maybe you just haven’t found more of your type of people

[Pem]

Hi @Eden1919 

i dont have austism, but my close friend does. We havent met physically but I've known him for about 2 years now and i have been working with him to be more confident and believe in himself more and it has helped so so much. He's amazing now (not that he wasnt before) but hes is making more friends etc. 

How I have helped him is focus on urself and find who u r as a person. Thats the main thing. 

If you want more help please lmk, I'm more then happy to. ❤

[Eden1919]

@Doog  i am sorry you can relate. 

@creative_writer yes i try not to force friendships or anything like that but it is hard i am often asked why i am not more social and i try to be but it is hard when you only have a few friends who are often busy themselves. i only have about 10 friends all up and half of them dont even live in the same state as me. i just dont really know what to do because everyone always seems to get sick of me or bored of me and i try but yeah it is hard and there arent many places to make friends here either. 

@Pem i have tried being myself but that seems to be the problem no one wants to be friends with me except a few people and 4 of them are new friends who i am not sure will last yet. 

[mrkibbles]

Hi @Eden1919 I have autism too and don’t really have friends, only online ones who are also neurodivergent, I do feel lonely and would like friends in person but don’t know where to start 😞

[Pem]

@Eden1919 Dont lose hope lovely. I know you may feel like ur dealing with this alone but i promise ur not. I'm here for you and so is everyone else. 

Keep positive and believe in yourself. U have already made progress, ur reaching out to for help. Please keep faith. 

May i ask how u approach people?...With my friend i found that he wouldnt give those people space and its not a bad thing. But ur special and ur brain processes things differently, please dont beat urself up about it. Ur amazing and if people dont want to be friends with u then they dont deserve ur caring and lovingness 🤗 

Hope this is all okay to say.

[Eden1919]

@mrkibbles  i am sorry you are dealing with the same problem it really is hard making new friends especially as an adult. have you tried going to hobby groups maybe? idk just a thought.

@Pem  well when i approach people physically i give them plenty of space because i dont like being to close to people and emotionally i like to think i give them space but to be honest i am not sure how much space is normal and how much is not. anyway when i approach people i will say hi and ask basic questions like they name and what they are interested in or the reason for coming to whatever event we are at and stuff like that basic questions i try to ask more about them than i say about myself to make sure i am not taking over the conversation and making it all about me and yeah then we talk about whatever the discussion leads us too. even if i find it a little boring sometimes. 

[Shaz51]

hello @Eden1919 , @mrkibbles , @creative_writer 

My husband`s  has ASD @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@Eden1919 I’m sorry I forgot to reply, uni must have gotten to me🤦🏻‍♀️. I find it hard to form relationships too. I think looking for groups that are online or in person may help in finding people who have things in common with you. I know you said there are limited options considering where you are. I think especially after covid it’s so easy to find online classes and groups.

Hi @Shaz51 ASD is common in those with bipolar. I hope you and Mr Shaz are doing well 🩷