Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

[Sahara]

 Good News!

Yes, @utopia,

perhaps a little bit of sarcasm now and then is not too bad. I notice I never use it with the people I genuinely like. That friend of mine from work is just a lady I was friendly with and secretly, I always wondered if she had something to do with my sacking? I don't know... my feelings are that even though we got along well and she acted for all the world like she was on my side... somehow this might not be the case?

I had some great news yesterday. One of the universities I've contacted is considering taking me on for my PhD studies!! This very exciting. I've contacted 3 uni's and heard a pretty mixed kind of response form one of them... then I got a fairly positive response from another one. it's a bit of a drawn out process that I have to go through in order to get in, so I just have to be persistent. 

How have you been? What is news? 

[utopia]

@Sahara. That is great news!!! Wow it would be so good if they take you on. Bet you're feeling a real buzz today over it. How long will ot take before a decision is made? Do you need to go through interview processes with them?
I had my first meeting with the mental health support group GROW yesterday. I was exhausted when I got home so I slept for 3 hours.
Then last night was my first AA meeting. I liked the atmosphere there. It was really supportive. One of the ladys will take me to a meeting in another town on Wednesday night. They recommend going daily to meetings. But living in the country - other towns are a fare way away and all have night time meetings. Whereas I struggle more in the afternoon.
I slept for 10 hours last night. Emotionally drained. Feel like just staying in bed today.

[Former-Member]

hello @Sahara @utopia

"you took the words right out of my mouth" can you hear my dreadful singing??

I agree wholeheartedly. As I was reading the first post of glee I was thinking the very same. They dismissed you unfairly before and the owner has a duty of care there also.

Write everything down...dot point what is most important to you...take the concise, dot pointed list with you and casually have it on the desk in front of you during the interview. Demonstrates you are keen, organised, structured and have lots to offer. I would hire you!

I imagine if the place hasnt changed they will flounder at how well organised you are. So work with the personality of the interviewer. Confidence will be on your side also.

At the end of the day, if you don't get the job, you will be better off without it judging from their track record it will only demonstrate that working conditions there have not improved.

Good luck with it.

[Former-Member]

@Sahara

excellent news

just what the doctor ordered... something positive!

go girl

[Sahara]

Wow, @utopia, you went to Grow and then AA and then AA again? That is a lot of meetings! It's very brave of you- I don't think I could do it. There is a mental health support group that meets locally at our library, but I really can't imagine myself going to it. I guess because this is a small town.... I know the librarians, and I really like them, and they would see me leaving the meeting and I would feel weird about it.

But it sounds like you have got a lot out of your meetings.... I know that feeling of being completely exhausted, for me it relates to my social anxiety and how drained other people can make me feel.

Did you stay in bed? I had go to work and it's very physical work, too. I'm pretty drained now.

Hmmm... with the PhD- firstly I have to write a research proposal which will be around 2,000 words. Then they have to read it and see what they think. Then I will have to have an interview and maybe then they will take me on. I think if I am persistent, then I will get through. I know it can be tricky. They like to keep people hanging! I have heard a few stories. 

By the way, I am like you, I seem to feel tired in evenings and feel more like drinking in the afternoons. Hope you had a good day.

[Sahara]

Thanks @Former-Member,

I am kind of thinking that in the spring-time I will go and see those people about the job and just really draw out the interview process .... asking heaps of questions and really putting them on the spot. I think I would enjoy that!  

Something else has potentially come up, too. There may be a few new jobs going at the tourist info center - and they pay really well. So I am going to explore that option.... they are run by the local council and the conditions of the job are set out properly and everything is above board there.  So I am thinking about that. 

What is happening with you, @Former-Member? 

[utopia]

@Sahara. I wish the mental health support group was in my town instead of 40 minutes drive away in a slightly larger town. I have no problem with this town knowing I have MI. Most of the town know now anyway. And I have nothing to be ashamed about.
AA on the other hand - that's a bit harder for me to admit at the moment. Last night they introduced themselves and said "I'm an alcoholic". My turn - I said my name and said "I have a problem with alcohol, but am not comfortable saying I'm an alcoholic".
So I have shame in my drinking - even though it was a way to try and deal with my MI.
Got to love my brain. Logic is not quite right today.

[utopia]

@Sahara. Forgot to say. The youth if my small town are currently holding meetings in our library meeting room to find ways if reducing mental health stigma in our youth - so they will be more likely to seek help.
Our librarians know all of them and their parents and Grandparents. I'm attending the meetings as well - to try to add in the children of those living with an MI.
But these teens - they are truly inspiring. They work through their fears together and support each other in ways that give me great hope forthe future.

[Former-Member]

@Sahara

I did some volunteer work at tourist info centre 

had to stop when became ill

good luck

happening with me?   Too much too tired... I am flitting from posts

i will be fine

[Sahara]

@utopia, I'm so glad you wrote what you did about AA. I doubt I could ever stand up in a meeting and say "I am an Alcoholic." Partly, this is because I'm not sure that I am an alcoholic, although I do have a problem with alcohol. 

I scored either 4 out of 10 or 4 out of 12 on the AA website questionnaire. I can't remember which score it was, but my score revealed "You most likely have a problem with alcohol", which I had already guessed, but it was sad seeing it written down in front of me.

I drink alcohol to medicate my emotions as I suffer from bad anxiety. I also drink it for pleasure when I am eating a nice meal and when I am meeting a friend in town for a catch-up. If the doctors would prescribe me some minor tranquilizers for my anxiety, then I would gladly take them instead of drinking, because frankly, they work much better and have a longer lasting effect!

However, the doctors are very reluctant to prescribe this type of medication, these days. I would probably have to go back to a psychiatrist and put forward my case, in order to get the meds. Which is not a bad idea, when I really think about it. I think the G.P's take one look at me and decide that my anxiety is not that bad and that my only problem is that I like to pop pills! I honestly believe that this is what they think. 

I would be perfectly happy to go and see a psychiatrist and go over my experiences of anxiety for them in detail.... even if I did have to wait two months for an appointment- whatever, I am fairly patient.

I understand what you mean in feeling shame about drinking.... it's because of the stigma attached to it, I think. But alcoholism is a disease and should be treated just like any other disease... it even has a genetic component, I think.

Good on you for going to AA!