Death

[Artgirl-80laun]

This last 4 days have been extremely hard for me this is my only venting space I have. My son and his girlfriend were 25 weeks pregnant and the baby died, she had to give birth and I had to travel 2.5 hrs with my 15 year old autistic/add daughter to look after his 2 yr old for 4 days straight. My daughter's been really having meltdowns being away from home and my son's been biting my head off for everything I do no matter what it is . My son's dad has never done anything practical just always thrown him money so he saves the day and gets a loan to cover burial and I feel like I'm so unappreciated I'm going home broke we have starve to Monday and he gave me 80 to come to help him and I still have pay that back which I find is wrong. Yes it's all too much! Thanks for letting me vent 

[ShadowMod]

Hey there @Artgirl-80laun 

Sounds like you are navigating an incredibly stressful time at the moment, and I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your son's and his partner's baby. I can empathise that the whole family would be experiencing a lot of grief and overwhelm, and I hear you are trying to be there for him and his children, whilst also catering to the needs of your daughter. This is a lot of responsibility for one person to be carrying, and I can understand that as a parent, it may feel like there isn't any other option right now. You are doing your absolute best, and prioritising your children speaks volumes to you as a mother!

The relationship your son's father has with him (as well as with you) sounds quite complicated, and I can see how his position to 'save the day' with his money would make you feel unappreciated at a time like this. This is a difficult headspace to be sitting in, and it's valid that this is feeling all too much for you to be dealing with right now! Having safe spaces to open up and get support is so important, and I'm glad you have felt comfortable reaching out on the forums today. If there is any way we can support you, please don't hesitate to let us know! For more tailored mental health support, you are always welcome to connect with a Beyond Blue counsellor for free and confidential support 24/7. 

It's concerning to hear that you are going home without much money or food until Monday, and this does sound quite stressful for you. Are there any other supports in your life you are able to reach out to at this time for some extra help?

If you are needing any kind of emergency financial assistance, it could be worth exploring your options through The Salvation Army. They are available to offer help to people and families in similar situations to yourself, so I encourage you to connect if you feel this would be a valuable service to your current situation.

I really hope that today is a little kinder to you, and please do continue to connect as you need!

Take gentle care of yourself.

[Radder]

Hi Artgirl,

You are obviously giving your all , but it sounds like there is so much beyond your control.  You can only meaningfully focus on what is within your control. 

There is wisdom in “fit your own oxygen mask first before helping others” - there is no shame in looking after yourself first because you can then more effectively and sustainably help others.  An essential is food - you may like to try https://findfood.foodbank.org.au/ to supplement your groceries. They are there for hard times like this, and it’s about community helping community through the tough periods in life. 

Venting is also important, and it’s wise that you are doing so.  You can also call Griefline https://griefline.org.au/get-help/. It’s not just about bereavement, it’s about other loss too - relationship, financial security, etc. 

Your daughter may want to vent too, even via webchat, https://kidshelpline.com.au