I am back after a little while

[Arbie_wun]

I stopped visiting because I was ok, or so I thought.  I have since had a few issues with my mental health again.  It started at the end of November when my mother passed away, suddenly there was a lot of stress and of course I haven't really been grieving so I guess there is a bit of that whole guilt thing there.

I have had a couple other issues and a friend who is seeing a professional on a regular basis has advised me that I am suffering from "Nice Guy Syndrome".  I also know that I haven't had a proper relationship with a woman for over a decade.  That one ended in rather difficult and uncomfortable circumstances. The relationship before that also ended abruptly and I guess over time I have developed mechanisms to cope with that which are not good nor healthy.

I need some help but I am not sure where to start at the moment !

[tyme]

Welcome back @Arbie_wun . So good to see you. 

I hope members will be able to provide you the insight and support you need at the moment. Sounds like it'll be a challenge to navigate on your own.

I look forward to reading other members' responses when I log on next.

[Glisten]

Hi 👋🏼 @Arbie_wun I’m Glisten. I don’t think we have met. Welcome back.

Mate the Forum Community is for me, like a ships 🚢 ballast.

I don’t check in everyday, as I have sooo much to do.

It’s the reality check, continuous encouragement, and validation that I will need forever.

As for your mate’s assessment that you are suffering from Nice Guy syndrome, I’m going to call Bullshite.

The question is, what do YOU want from a relationship, and what do you bring to the relationship table?

The most attractive thing about any person is that they are happy with their life, genuinely curious about the people they meet, passionate about what they’re into.

What are you into? What community clubs and groups are you a member of? Do you volunteer?

Have you backpacked through Europe?

Are you a Hiker?

Tri-athlete? Tennis 🎾 player?

Find what makes you happy and do it.

Not everyone is a potential partner. What particular personality traits are you looking for in a potential partner?

What type of relationship do you want? Is that person capable of giving you the relationship you want?

Be discerning.

[Arbie_wun]

Thanks @tyme ... been a while I know and I was doing ok until the "wheels fell off"

[Arbie_wun]

Thanks for that @Glisten .

I was doubting myself after that especially since the friend themselves has mental health issues and has been a little muddled with things themselves.

I honestly could see some of the triggers and traits in the Nice Guy Syndrome and I don't think it fits accurately.  I know that my old school friends always see me as the honest and loyal one, who they can count on in a pinch.  

I have to admit in my last 2 relationships things ended pretty badly.  The last one the lady I was dating with dumped me and got back with her then ex-husband and ended up remarrying him.  It was my 2nd horrible end to a relationship as the previous one was more of a ghosting while dating!

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear "the wheels fell off". I'm no handy person, but how can I get you get the wheels back on and on the right track? Any suggestions @Arbie_wun 

I just want to say that it's great to see you.

[Arbie_wun]

@tyme I have no idea where to start with my mental health at the moment because my brain is off in a lot of directions at once and I have lost that single minded focus. 

I have started to get back into the gym and get my fitness back to where it was as a much younger and more athletic person.  I have been doing a few kms [edited by moderator] run on the elliptical trainer and then some weights.  I had planned a session for the morning before work however I now have a series of blood tests to do to try and fix a couple of physical issues.  Unfortunately, one of those is ED and that has a few physical factors including poor sleep, diabetes, cholesterol and high blood pressure are things that I have to contribute along with the fact that over 30 there is a natural decline in testosterone production.  Add in the psychological factors of stress and grief, with a few things like the fact I haven't been in a functional relationship for over a decade has added to ED issue.

I am working on a few of the physical and need to focus on the mental now!

[tyme]

Hearing you @Arbie_wun . There's a lot in the mix of all that. No wonder it can be a little confusing!

I can see you are doing what you can to help yourself. What supports do you have in place to help you?

Also, just a quick note that the post above has had its kms removed so that it aligns with our Community Guidelines about not sharing numbers related to exercise, weight etc. 

I'm around tonight if you need some company 🙂

[Arbie_wun]

@tyme all good, I forgot that I wasn't meant to post the distance or anything to do with weights etc.  

I saw a GP recently and have also contacted the local counselling service to attempt to get some one on one meets as I know sometimes it is good to talk to a professional face on!  Unfortunately they have about a 6 week wait and I also reached out to a couple of the telephone services recently too due to the fact it was the Christmas break and some of these places were closed for the holidays!

I may even give one another call as I was expecting a response from them as they got back on Monday!  Maybe they were snowed under due to the fact that Christmas is one of the most stressful times of the year!

[tyme]

Have you used SANE's support line before? There's sometimes a bit of a hold, but I have to say the counsellors are awesome. 

Or, what about SANE's Guided Recovery?  https://www.sane.org/referral 

Sorry, if I've shared these in the past. 

It's pretty amazing that you still have the up and go to get support. It's pretty incredible. I'm right here for you!