Lived Experience Forum

[Deebee1]

Hi all , I'm just going to try and cut a long story short here . My newly diagnosed 22yo bpd daughter has basically in crisis for 6 mths or more . 3 attempts in that time.. We were getting along well and she was talking to me all day every day for support and then that suddenly stopped . All of a sudden she was saying she was abused verbally and physically by her Aspergers brother and I allowed it and that has caused her mental health issues when thats not what happened at all ..they had moments but they were close most of the time . Anyway she stopped talking to.me for awhile and then started with alot of nasty text messages and demands for money . its been ongoing daily to the point where I'm in tears and I have developed my own mental health issues.  Its been alot of manipulation and I've been allowing it because I'm scared if I don't she will self harm . 

Lately its been getting worse where she is telling me has self harmed but she hasn't thank goodness and now she has told me if by this coming Sunday I don't kick her brother out of the house she is going to end her life . I'm lost ...I do not know what to do about this . has anyone go any suggestions at all because I have no idea how to respond to this ...:(

[chibam]

Hi @Deebee1 , and welcome to the forums!

I wish I had some solution to your dillemma, but I'm afraid I don't. I just noticed your post sitting there unaddressed and I figured that you deserved to have somebody at least respond to you.

It sounds like your daughter is unhappy living under the same roof as her brother. Amicable relocation is a difficult problem to find assistance with, I've found. My understanding is that the services to help people with this don't currantly exist, although there may be plans to create them in the future - at least in Victoria.

I'm sorry I can't be of any real help.

[Deebee1]

hi thanks for the welcome ... Thats just it she moved out of home 6 months ago .. She just wants to hurt him and me  I think by making this demand .. I just don't know how to react due to the self harm threat

[periwinklepixie]

Hi @Deebee1 

This sounds ike a really tough situation. 

Sometimes one of the hardest things I find is that we can't control another's person's perceptions of events and that we can't stop someone else from harming themselves as this is ultimately their choice. This doesn't make hearing these threats any less difficult, I know. But I find it helps me to set some boundaries.

It does sound like it is causing you a lot of stress and I think that is totally natural in your situation. If you haven't already I recommend checking out some of our other carer's ideas on looking after themselves when caring responsibiltiies build up an become a bit much. I've linked some of the threads here: Looking after ourselves 

All the best, 
- periwinklepixie 

[Deebee1]

Thats the part I have trouble with .. I can't control what she does and I desperately want to but know I can't. thank you great advice ..its helped alot