Lived Experience Forum

[cloudcore]

Hi @Bow , I'm so sorry to hear of the hurt you're feeling right now. I'm here with you and I'll check in via email 

[Eve7]

@Bow 

💙💖🦋💖💙

[Bow]

If only they knew how bloody hard it is to reach out for help...

then maybe they wouldn't shut me down. 
I give up

[Eve7]

It is very hard to reach out @Bow I find it almost impossible at times and even then it’s so hard to put our needs into words when we fear the response.

Sitting with you my friend 💙🙏💙

[Bow]

Yes @Eve7 

ive spoken to scbs and then lifeline twice. And have just called comm mh emergency number- 'nothing we can do tonight' 

why even bother anymore. I have nothing else left.    No one cares. Take care Eve, your too precious. 

[Jupiter]

Sitting with you too @Bow 

It takes a lot of resilience to continue to reach out for the support you need, Bow. I sense there is a part of you that is trying so hard to hold on despite how bad you are feeling. We are here with you.

[Eve7]

Similar happened to me last night @Bow when I called ACT. They called me back this morning and I told them I’d be ok. Pdoc called me back this morning too and I told the receptionist the same. I needed help last night but I went to the hairdresser today and she was kind and fixed my grey hair with a more natural colour.

Maybe do something nice for yourself tomorrow sweetie. It won’t fix you but for a moment in time you do feel better.

💜💜💜

[Bow]

Today has continued to be hard. I wanted to crawl back into bed after dropping my d off at school, but my ED wouldn't let me. I got on the treadmill and then the bike. My body is struggling today. Dizziness again. My psychologist chatted to me about it this week and she is going to write to my gp about it and the need to check my bp when standing and regular ecg 😩

The lifeline aftercare folks called me early in the day. They call once a week just to check in. I was mostly honest with her, but when she kept pushing me for answers to questions that I knew would get me into trouble I backtracked quickly. She then called again this afternoon- concerned I guess. 

My psychologist called me late this afternoon. I was able to be mostly honest with her. Talked to her about my current SI and what I wanna do. She  got me to the point of being able to hand stuff over . But I kept some. Do others keep stuff for 'just in case?'

#%€¥ I hate this stuff. I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm sorry. I didn't wanna come on here today but I have nowhere else. I feel so alone in all of this. 

[Emelia8]

It all sounds pretty intense @Bow but I am really happy you have a good support network now. And proud of you for being 'mostly honest' with them 😄👍💗

In answer to your question about 'keeping stuff just in case'.  Yes I have done, and still do. Although I have also handed some to my psych when I was in a bad way and having SI. I have also flushed meds down the toilet when I did not trust myself.

Keep reaching out @Bow 💝

[Bow]

Thanks @Emelia8 

I don't trust myself. I am scared of acting impulsively. I told my psych that. And I am feeling so on edge at the moment which makes that fear even more intense.