Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

That's good to hear @Blackbird11 

[Birdofparadise8]

Can we talk for a bit please @Blackbird11 

[Birdofparadise8]

Or anyone. I'm so sad. 

[Eve7]

What’s up hon @Birdofparadise8 ?

[Birdofparadise8]

Long day with uni plus I saw my psych.

I wrote a post to @Blackbird11 about it and another post after that. 

We talked about how my being premature could have signs of pain and trauma being in a hospital where I wasn't comforted 24/7 like a baby is. Plus other things in the posts below.

Anyway, I just feel pretty sad and alone right now. I'm like this most nights but not every night. 

I've been listening to some sad music to try and get the tears out of me. 

How was your day? @Eve7 

[Birdofparadise8]

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@Birdofparadise8 wrote:

I'm feeling really sad right now. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. I'm unsure if it's related to what my psych wanted to discuss with me today or not. I'm just feeling like I'm a really bad undeserving person. I'm feeling really alone and like I'm doing something wrong. 

Maybe this fear of abandonment stems all the way back to when I was born, and being in the hospital, I wouldn't be looked after every time I cried, so my psych said that. That would be felt as pain or rejection. Normally, when babies cry when they are full term, they are looked after by their parents. So a baby wouldn't go through that "pain" my psych is referring to. 

Anyway, I just want to talk to someone. I don't like feeling like this. 

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We talked about how I was premature how I would be In hospital and that I wouldn't always have someone looking after me if I was crying and then that could lead to me in pain or feeling abandoned. 

So, this deep abandonment could stem all the way back to being born. 

And with the sadness. Then also with rejection not only around others but even my psych because he said I book the appointments so far in advance. But that is because I have a specific time to be available, and I don't want to miss an appointment. He said that's because I have a fear of rejection from him. But that is fair enough when I can only do that session. But maybe he is referring to my booking that is so far out. 

@Eve7 

[Eve7]

That’s no good to be left with those feelings @Birdofparadise8 but one thing I am sure about is you are very deserving of kindness and support.

I have worked in the NICU with premies and I can assure you they receive plenty of comfort when distressed. Even if they couldn’t be picked up we would stroke them if their mum as weren’t there.

I’m also studying human lifespan at uni this semester and one thing that was mentioned was paediatric amnesia which is why we don’t have those early memories.

Can you focus on something that will calm you tonight?

[Birdofparadise8]

I did say to my psych that I'm sure a nurse would do something when my parents weren't there at night. 

He still continued to talk about not being comforted and how that can lead to pain or feeling abandoned. 

I was a bit conflicted when he mentioned it. 

It's really hard to know, though. I don't remember, and I'm not sure how close my mum was because she was very sick. 

Wait, are you working full-time and studying as well? What are you studying, and how many units are you doing this semester?

@Eve7 

Eh, not a lot helps these days. The crying did for a bit. I'm just watching some TV. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @Blackbird11 @Eve7 @creative_writer @tyme @Jynx @ENKELI @Shaz51 @Snowie 

@PizzaMondo @ArraDreaming 

How's everyone today?

[ArraDreaming]

@Birdofparadise8 I’m
Ok but I have a really sore back you