Not Coping

[ENKELI]

Honey it's not because of you @Birdofparadise8. 

Realistically, how much of all that you've endured, including premature birth, could you have controlled?

So it feels like you're to blame but you're not.

I do hope you write your younger self a letter when you're ready. And I hope it helps you grieve what you've lost.

I didn't read the bullying part of the article, that's interesting. I'm not sure I understand the correlation, like how did they arrive at that conclusion? I know they probably did surveys and the like but why did they put premature birth and bullying together I wonder.

If it is something that helps you, good. Just don't go down the rabbit hole and research too much that you end up feeling worse or getting anxiety from it. 

Re my mum being brutal, I shouldn't really say brutal but it feels like a stab to the heart. My parents' marriage ended pretty badly and when she's pissed at me mum likes to say "your father used to do/say that too." Which I think is pretty mean. I know she only does it when she's angry or really hurt and I've been known to stab her with words too. Her sister is worse and for the most part I have a great relationship with my mum.

Oh and the recipe I sent is from an American website I subscribe to, so they call plain flour all-purpose flour. Everything else is the same though.

[Birdofparadise8]

I really don't know. I would think I could have tried hard to stop the bullying and stand up for myself more. I was very weak. 

Yeah, I'm unsure how I'll know I'm ready to write the letter. What was it to write about?

I don't think I'll research anymore. Reading that is making me sad. It's not your fault, by the way. 

Ah okay. I'm pleased you've had an overly good relationship with her. 

Yeah, all good. I see that all the time with flour. @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 the horrible thing about bullying is that sometimes you don't realise it until it's too late so you are NOT to blame for that. You seem to me an introvert and that makes life even easier for bullies because they know you're not going to do or say anything. It makes life harder for you of course because you hold it in and when you do speak up and don't get the required outcome things get worse.

I was an adult when the bullying I received affected me. I was bullied once at school and as I said, my mum saw to it that it stopped. I didn't realise that I was being bullied. I was in a new position and I didn't know that what my boss was doing was wrong. Belittling me and telling me I should be better at my job regularly, then saying "you're not very good at this are you?" in front of other workers I just went red and wanted to curl up in a ball under my desk. She was so condescending and it wasn't until someone else mentioned that our boss was a bully that it dawned on me. So I went to HR and voiced my concerns. Unfortunately the HR woman was good friends with my boss so she went to my boss and told her.

A week later my contract was terminated (I was a casual).

I felt like a failure. Then the last job I was at until August last year, the same thing happened by 3 different bosses. The company is the worst in its field in WA and they can't get people to work there, which is why I had 3 bosses in 2 years. 

Now I am scared that any job I get the same thing will happen, or that they won't hire me because my front teeth are chipped and broken from medication.

Frankly I'm scared I'll never get a job at the moment!

Well it's very late over your way so if you haven't already gone to bed, I hope you sleep well and wake refreshed. Tomorrow is another day, maybe it will be a great day 🤗 😍

[Birdofparadise8]

Mmm, my family thinks I'm an extrovert, but maybe at school, I was a little shy at times. 

Oh, I know. I'm scared I won't get a job at the moment either. 

Yeah, I'm about to go to bed. As I talked to my roommate for an hour, which was unexpected, I couldn't take my meds at the right time, so I'm up late again. 

@ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 that's nice you got to talk to your room mate for a decent amount of time. I know what you mean about meds though, if I don't take mine before 7pm I am still awake at midnight.

Talk to you tomorrow 😀

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, exactly very frustrating. 

Night @ENKELI 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @PizzaMondo 

How are you?

[PizzaMondo]

Hello @Birdofparadise8 🙂
I'm feeling good today.. just ate a few slices of cheeky prosciutto, so I am feeling salty and sassy! (In a good way, ha!)

How are you going today? Learned anything interesting from your course lately you'd like to share? 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

I had a physiology lab which was good. 

I'm learning about action potentials. 

I love prosciutto it's so yummy. 

Can I ask what is the mondo behind your name and how it fits with pizza? @PizzaMondo 

[PizzaMondo]

When you say "lab" - what does that mean in regards to physiology?! (Sorry this is not in my realm of understanding but I am intrigued.. I even went and googled action potentials :P)

Me too, I think it's my favourite cured meat.. especially when it just melts in your mouth! YUMmmmMM!

The Mondo behind my name is related to these little collectibles (see pic below) I used to collect as a kid.. and how it fits in with Pizza.. that I am unsure - kind of just was random, ha!

What about your name - @Birdofparadise8? Is it in relation to the beautiful flower?