@Birdofparadise8 wrote:
Oh, it happened a while ago. Let me see if I can find the text.
She called me to say she couldn't talk to me anymore because I was affecting her MH.
My letter to her after what she told me on the phone.
I hope you have had a lovely start to your week and enjoyed your weekend. I just wanted to chat about your conversation with me last week. I am very proud that you are comfortable enough to reach out to me and voice your concerns regarding your mental health and how you are currently coping with the conversations we have been having.
Though I am still shocked and upset, I understand that you wanted to set some boundaries with me. However, I feel you're just making the decision, not including me. I find it unfair that you're calling the shots with the day and time that we can talk, as you didn't even ask if I'm even available on a Friday at 5:00 pm and limiting contact to half an hour a week makes me feel as though you don't want me apart of your life as I value the time we have been spending together.
I also wanted to know if setting this boundary means we can only talk for that 30 minutes on Friday or if we can chat at other times about the usual friendship stuff.
As you know, I already feel pretty lonely, and my depression is not good, but as you know, I have a psychologist and will start seeing a psychiatrist soon. I also have (an aunt) to talk to and a few friends at dancing, so I am managing the suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I understand that you don't want to discuss these issues, as they can be pretty confronting and scary. I just wanted you to know that it's okay that we don't talk about these things, as I have other people to support me with this.
I have valued the time we talked, not just about mental health. I'm not trying to have a go at you or anything; I want some clarification with setting the boundaries. I know you are going through a hard time yourself, but I want you to know that I am always here for you if you need anything. I love our friendship and how we have become so close over the past couple of years.
I hope you don't mind me reaching out and letting me voice my concerns with this, and I hope we can work something out together and continue to grow as friends. You should know my opinion to come to a fair agreement and understanding.
Lots of love, (ME)
Her letter back to me
Hey (ME) my week has been good, glad though it’s the week end.
Thank you for your letter and I hope you had a good day and didn’t get too wet with the rain.
In regards to your letter,
for clarification, I am not comfortable with any conversations about your mental health. I am setting boundaries I need, to feel comfortable with you. They are my personal boundaries.
I feel you have taken advantage of my time and my availability and my kind nature.
Text and conversation I like:
-positive topics
-positive updates on your life
Text and conversations I find impactful:
-Anything mental health(self-harm, suicide, depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts.)
-excessive complaining about uni, family, friends.
-general negative demeanour
I still value your company and I want you a part of my life but I don’t know what our friendship would look like without the mental health issues.
I am available on Fridays between 5:00-5:30pm and this is when I can answer texts from you that were sent earlier in the week or texts on Friday or take your call.
So we haven't talked properly like we used to since the 11th of November 2022. I have tried talking to her, but so much has changed in that time. Also, age should be taken into context. She was 14 - 15, and I was 18 -19. We would talk on the phone when I had ballet so a Monday and Thursday.
The reason it all started was that we went out for dinner one night, and she was talking about granny, and I was defending her because she was saying things about her depression and how she wouldn't try, and so she asked how I knew all this, and I told her, and then things went from there, and then it ended. I was devastated. It makes me sad even now. We have talked here and there, but communication goes both ways. She could also reach out to me. I also feel bad because if she asks how I am, I have to lie. I feel like I'm stepping on eggshells around her.
So yeah, that's what's happened @ENKELI
