Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Thanks @Former-Member 

He just goes out with one friend and likes to meet other people while he is out. 

Yeah, I was thinking in the avo, like get there at 2 pm so we have two hours before the market shuts. 

Oh well, it looks like he knows where his priorities lie. He sees this other guy all the time. 

I don't see his fondness for going out drinking I couldn't think of anything worse. It's expensive and so loud and cramped. I much prefer quality time such as a dinner or lunch. 

But no doesn't think about seeing me when he gets a day off with the public holidays. 

Like, even if he does go out tonight, he could just not stay out as late, knowing he would be seeing me tomorrow. 

It just sucks he is one of my only friends in Melbourne, and we get along really well. 

[ENKELI]

@Former-Member I love how you have embraced this new phase of your life. 

We truly are conditioned to be married 2.5 kids, a dog and white picket fence. It doesn't help when your family thinks you have more value with the toxic spouse than you do being single.

Enjoy your new freedom, you deserve it. For every struggle you experienced this time is yours to enjoy x

[Former-Member]

My afternoon is going well thanks @ENKELI 🙂🌺 ..just about to face plant the study books (at least, that’s what it feels like after a couple of hours!🤭)

And I hope your afternoon is going well? I hope the pain meds are kicking in well and box sorting is very much like Christmas in April with finding the things dormant for the last couple of years 🙂🌺💜

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I agree with what @Former-Member said. There is also the thought that he doesn't realise how important it is for you to catch up with him.

From my experience men have some pretty strange priorities- a guy friend of mine chose going for a bike ride with his mate that he saw every weekend over having lunch with me. When I questioned him about it he genuinely didn't understand why I was so upset. It's not that he didn't care about me, he just wanted to spend time with his mate. My thoughts and feelings didn't factor in to his decisions. 

What I think is that he isn't placing the same importance on the outing as you are. It's nothing personal against you, he just thinks differently to you about catching up.

Hope this makes sense x

[Birdofparadise8]

Hmm okay, you do make a good point @ENKELI 

Men just think differently, I guess. 

@Former-Member 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 straighten that crown princess, he's not blowing you off because of you, he's just being a 20 something boy. From my experience nothing beats getting boozed with the mates as a male in your 20s. And early 30s, 40s,.....! Lol!

I'm arguing with my brother at the moment, he is the epitome of the single self absorbed male who has never taken accountability for anything and that is p*ssing me off to no end. I truly wish I lived alone for all the help his lazy arse offers! I'm being harsh, for the most part he's a good brother, he just doesn't think like a female when it comes to house work and cooking.

Vent over, how's everyone else going?!

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I will @ENKELI 

He is 24 and very smart, too, I might add. He is interning with a very big science company for a year. 

Yeah, well, I get you with the cleaning. 

I told him not to worry about it. I still haven't got a response. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 in his little mind it's all sorted so he doesn't have to reply. 

I think you will need to ask him if he wants to catch up later, like @Former-Member suggested. 

Headache is fading thankfully, brother is in his study, typical, and I am making a list of things to get rid of. If he sits still too long brother will be thrown out too 🤣🤣

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh I didn't think that @ENKELI 

Yeah I'll wait until I'm not disappointed anymore. 

It's actually been months since I've seen him. 

That's good to hear. Oh okay do you live together?

[Former-Member]

I’m really sorry @Birdofparadise8 😞💜

I really understand how this would be so hurtful, and feel like it’s putting your friendship aside for seemingly trivial things 💜

And it does make a lot of sense to end the evening early so he can get to you earlier and enjoy more time hanging out together the next day, however it sounds like at this time, your friend doesn’t see this as a priority, as well as not realising the impact this has one you. 
I’m thinking you’d friend is also early 20’s? I remember all of my brothers - when late teens and early 20’s - they did a lot of enjoying loud venues, drinking socially to abundance, and not often seeing the importance of moderation or maintaining those connections that seemed a little less exciting. My younger brother in particular would be in nightclubs till closing time each night they were open, for instance, and his other friends who didn’t go out, he hardly saw for some time. 

everything you’ve said is sensible and reasonable, however if he doesn’t see it the same way, I think offering the compromise sounds good to at least spend a couple of hours together 🙂🌺

im sorry he’s not seeing the importance of the friendship on your side of it, and I really hope you do get the chance to hang out and talk 🙂🌺