Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

There are just a few things I probably should sleep earlier, though tonight that won't happen. I'm so stressed and anxious but don't worry about it. 

Oh yeah, don't get rid of the bags. 

Oh no, has the drowsiness worn off?

Ah, okay, so you got better at self-soothing over time? Do you have any tips other than Post-it notes? 

Thank you @ENKELI, I really do appreciate that. You can still suggest things. I hope you're not thinking back to the post where you said yourself shut up @ENKELI. 

I have a lab in the morning and then one at 4 pm so I'll be around in between those times. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I better go now. Thank you for chatting with me @ENKELI 

I hope you have a good night. 

If you reply after 10 pm, I'll reply tomorrow. 

I'm very sleepy now, and the meds kicked in quicker than I thought. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 getting into a routine for sleeping is always a good thing and if you feel you need to be in bed and ready for sleep by 10 then you need to do that.

I'm always mindful of overstepping the boundaries. I lived with someone who had no boundaries and it was only at the end when I was torn to shreds that I realised I had overstepped boundaries. It was hard because I didn't know I was overstepping because I was never told. Now I would rather just keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and not upset the other person and also prevent from getting spoken to harshly.

My triggers are when people start treating me harshly. As soon as someone makes really negative comments about me I just fall apart, have major anxiety and burst into tears to the point that I am sobbing and nothing will stop it. It's a very very mild version of PTSD I believe.

I take a deep breath and tell myself that what I am feeling isn't true. I have a journal where I have written down positive thoughts and memories - I then read the journal and it makes me feel better and not so negative. It might only be a word I've written down but it will trigger a positive memory. And photos. I have this great photo of my grandfather holding a huge bunch of wildflowers and he has this great big grin on his face. I immediately smile and laugh because it reminds me of growing up with my grandparents in Geraldton. 

Now the hard part is that it's taken me nearly 25 years and I still don't get it right every time. 

Doing this like a manicure, beauty treatment or foot spa, reading a good book. Or even watching TV can help.

I don't do the post it notes anymore, I stopped when I moved back home but they did help when I was living in a toxic environment.

Hope you don't have a sleepless night, my drowsiness has long worn off thank goodness!

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 hope you slept well princess 👑👸💐

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @ENKELI 

When you say overstepping boundaries, are you referring to us? 

Oh, really, that sounds a bit odd. Don't you hate that when people tell you You 've done something wrong, but they wait until it has a massive effect on the person who did the wrong thing? I definitely feel you for that one. Like how are you supposed to know you've done the wrong thing if no one has said anything? 

Yeah, that would be hard when people treat you harshly. That's what I'm like with rejection. 

That's good you have a list of positive things to say to yourself and I like the sound of your photo of your grandfather that is very nice. 

Yeah, well, I didn't sleep that great. So many things on my mind kept waking me up, but never mind they will be sorted out soon I hope. 

What are you doing today? I'm about to leave for my lab class. I have officially finished the lab report, except for finding a reference I lost. 

I hope you're doing okay today. 

I don't know why, but I would love it if you could me, princess. It makes me feel special to you. I hope you don't mind me saying that. I think it's quite lovely. 

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Birdofparadise8 🌺🙂

Sounds good to have had the reflections from your aunt - always nice to have different perspectives 💜🙂

The little prongs do indeed go in my nose - I feel like I have to sneeze all the time haha 

I hope you enjoyed cooking last night? 
im sorry I wasn’t online - was just a bit tired after seeing the doc 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hey @Shaz51 🙂🌺

have oxygen on, with little prongs in nose - same as the oxygen lines used in hospitals 🙂

The oxygen produced by the concentrator then plugs into the back of the ventilator and then the ventilator delivers a measured amount of oxygen depending on what the oxygen sensor on my finger says while I’m sleeping 🌺

much safer, because there’s more monitoring circuits that have alarms in case of low blood oxygen overnight when I’m asleep 🙂

the ventilator also has a modem that links back to the computer on the desk of my pulmonologist, and each day he arrives at work, my ventilator report is on his screen. 
fancy and costly, but keeps things going most of the time 🙌🏻🙂

[Former-Member]

Hey there @creative_writer 🌺🙂

sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, was just a little tired after a doc appointment 🙂

how was your evening? Hope you’re doing ok today 🌺💜🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, it was helpful. 

That would be annoying @Former-Member 

Do you just have it working when you're at home? 

The banana bread was good. I'm going to cook the lasagne tonight. It's all assembled. I was writing an email, and it took about an hour, and then it was too late to cook it. In my slow uni oven. 

That's okay. Is everything okay after the doctor? 

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Birdofparadise8 🌺🙂

Yep - when I’m at home 🌺

I couldn’t afford a portable unit - they cost around $5000 - so this will do.. plus, I have a neat trick if I need additional oxygen while out.. I fill balloons with 93% oxygen from the concentrator, put them in the car, and take little sips of air from them hehe 😉🙌🏻

feels so much better to have better blood oxygen 🌺🙂

Sounds good regarding cooking.. yes when it’s too late to start, it’s best left till the next day 💜🙂

I hope it goes well - looking forward to a pic on our cooking thread if you’d like to share one 😀🙌🏻🌺

All ok with the doc thank you 😊 

just some tests, forms for electricity for the O2 concentrator (govt rebate as they are expensive to run), and following up on recent results 🙂💜🦩