Lived Experience Forum

[PinkFlamingo]

hey there @creative_writer 💜🌺

so much going on sweetheart - Im really sorry to hear things are feeling so intense, and its hard to fight urges and to keep strong with your skills and tools to keep safe... I really can understand why its getting tiring xx

Hang in there darling - take it minute by minute when you need to, and remember we are here for you, holding space with you in the place you are at, and sitting there alongside you, ok?

I hope the placement meeting goes ok this arvo - feel free to update how you are whenever you'd like to xx

I hope the next meeting with the psych can help, too.. till then, hold strong and go gently dearest xx

[lavenderhaze]

Some relaxation would be good for sure @creative_writer 

What do you like doing for that?

I am logging off now but I will check in with you tomorrow ❤️

I hope the meeting with your placement team goes well and offers some distraction

[Jynx]

All the best for your placement meeting @creative_writer - I'm around tonight if you wanna chat/distract/debrief/whatever you need 💜

[creative_writer]

@PinkFlamingo @lavenderhaze @Jynx placement meeting went alright, I think it’s just a formality kind of thing you do before starting placement. On the plus, it did distract me for a bit. I find grounding and breathing exercises helpful, I did still end up sweating a lot during the meeting, I’m grateful my deodorant prevented me from smelling awful.

What’s been frustrating me is that I can’t seem to concentrate on uni, instead my mind seems to fixate on unhelpful thoughts even though I don’t want it to. My attention span is really bad rn

[Jynx]

@creative_writer nice one!! Good stuff with utilising your regulation skills hun, that's awesome. And look, if I walked out of an interview and I wasn't at least partially drenched in sweat, was it even that important to me? Probably not 🤣

I do really feel you on the attention span struggles. It can get very frustrating, especially if you feel like you're falling behind. Couple of ideas that have helped me - 1. Going somewhere else, like a library, can help, because we associate that space with studying and can help with containment (i.e. library is where study occurs, anxious thoughts stay at home); 2. Externalising the anxious thoughts, either by calling someone, writing them in a journal, or even recording a voice note. 

On that note, my psych actually pointed out to me that in terms of us processing our thoughts and emotions, externalising them is a really important step. Otherwise they can end up just swirling and cycling around our brains and keeping us stuck. 

Always happy to listen if you want to have a vent hun 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynxmy mum was in the car with me. She fixed my eyebrows and scarf before I went in, because eyebrows and scarves don’t always behave 😂.

I’m not sure if my attention span was ever that great, I used to randomly get up and walk around while studying at home. I couldn’t do that at school, so I just stimmed other ways. Sometimes my body needs movement, you know. I do feel anxiety and depression has amplified my ability to concentrate. Library can work as long as your head isn’t too full. I’m learning the importance of externalisation, I haven’t always been so great at that, I still don’t think I am. Sometimes I cannot even put words to my emotions, it’s so weird. Sometimes I am too overwhelmed to describe how I feel. Like I’ll know I feel shit but I can’t always put words to it. Like I’ll feel this sense of unease, but my mind is too scattered to understand what is going on

[Jynx]

Aww bless @creative_writer haha scarves and eyebrows, so unruly!! 

Hmm... well we were just talking about ADHD! One of the screening questionnaires I did asked the question, 'Do you find it difficult to remain seated or do you sometimes stand up at inappropriate times?' or something like that. I never really noticed this constant inner restlessness until a) I got diagnosed and learned to recognise it, and b) started on ADHD meds and actually experienced inner calm for the first time ever. Side note: if pursuing an ADHD diagnosis is an accessible avenue for you, it might be worth exploring, because the medication really, really helps. Also what you're describing with the inability to identify emotions sounds like alexithymia, which is also associated with neurodiverse brains!

Yeah if you're not used to externalising it can feel super awkward at first! Gets easier though and does really help. You've already had a bunch of practice just in how much you've been able to express here on the forums 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx my eyebrows are naturally unruly, and I don’t like the harsh eyebrow look so I do the bare minimum in tidying them. I feel a lot of girls can carry their clothing well, but I don’t think I’m so good at it lol and don’t think I ever have been 😂.

It might be worth bringing up issues around concentration with my psych. I do get that feeling of unrest a lot. I don’t know if it’s a symptoms of ADHD or something else. I’ve never been the hyperactive child though. Probably would say more inattentive than hyperactive. The only time I’m really hyperactive is with mania. I think I do have a bit of alexithymia, at least when I’m super stressed. Sometimes I shut down too, I coped with disassociation since I was a kid.

I think it has become easier to express myself on the forums over time and I feel safer. I also get the feeling of struggling to find the words at times when speaking to others, it’s like my brain does a backflip. It’s easier when typing. I get super stressed when talking to people at times, my words get mixed up in my brain. My brain just works differently, just in the process of accepting it.

I’m hoping things continue to stay on the improved side. I felt like things got a bit better by today afternoon. One can hope. This morning was rough with SI and SH urges. I hope they don’t come back.

I do appreciate our conversations, I feel like we are similar in a lot of ways 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aww yay, that makes me very happy to hear - I love our conversations too! 

I think it's very worth bringing up with your psych! I found it super helpful to fill out some screening questionnaires first too - if you google 'Jasper Goldberg pdf' one should pop up. 

There's currently three diff subcategories for ADHD - hyperactive type, inattentive type, and combined type. I am combined type but a little more on the inattentive side (always daydreaming, haha). As far as I know, women are way more likely to be inattentive type, which is also why they're often not diagnosed until much later in life - I think because the ADHD stereotype is a boistrous young boy who is always disruptive. I mean there's a reason I didn't get diagnosed until I was 27 and halfway through my counselling degree! 

I dunno if you caught the Topic Tuesday at which I was the guest? It was a couple of years ago now, but I found it, and maybe you might find this response intresting, my answer to a question about common misconceptions about ADHD. And of course I'm always happy to yammer on about it so if you got more queries, ask me anything 😉

I feel you on words getting mixed up in the brain. I think that's why I've ended up working here on forums - the written form of support really works with my brain. I'm glad to hear that you're taking those steps to be accepting of your differences. It's something to celebrate, in my eyes. 

Glad that things are feeling better for you this evening after a rough start hun. Warms me to hear 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I did get a high enough score on the screening test. I think I never really considered myself “ADHD” because of the stereotype. I didn’t understand my ASD diagnosis until years later. ND can be quite complex and present differently in people. I think only people who know me well might see ASD traits, otherwise it’s hard to tell. In a way I’ve sort of felt stupid. People tell me I am intelligent, but I always feel like I’m underperforming.

Maybe ND brains work differently, maybe that’s why words seem to get muddled up. Sometimes I feel like my brain is processing too fast. I always feel the pressure to get through things too. If I get sidetracked, I get very frustrated. I am a perfectionist. I work better with structure, the unstructuredness of studies does drive me a bit insane at time. It probably has added to the stress I already feel on top of everything else.

I hope you are doing something nice for yourself this evening 💖