Supporting a parent with bipolar

[Whiplash]

Hi! New member here 🫶🏼

I have been supporting my mother with her mental health since I was 12 (about 10 years ago now). Typically, she goes through periods of mania that require hospitalisation, and when she returns home she becomes herself again through medication alterations and visits from a mental health team. However, currently, she has little signs of improvement after being hospitalised twice and I’m not too sure how to support her as a daughter. 

I have assisted her with going to hospital, letting her know I care about her and that this will pass, but it has gotten to the point where she is very paranoid about everyone around her and is planning on quitting her job. She also speaks really poorly about my dad which a lot of these things do get to me mentally and I’m not too sure how much more I can cope with supporting her, which is just overall making me feel guilty. 

I’m just looking for anything really, advice, words of support, or anyone who may be in the same boat. I want to say that I know it will get better and she’ll come out of it but it just feels like a lost cause at this point, and it’s beginning to really harm our relationship which hurts the most. 

thank you, and sorry for the spiel lol 

[AuntGlow]

Hello @Whiplash! 

A very warm welcome to the SANE forums and thank you so much for sharing your story with us here. 🥰

My heart really goes out to you and mum... that would be so, so challenging for you both. 

You sound like a brilliant support to her, but my gosh, that would be a lot to carry. I am sure hearing negative talk about dad is really vulnerable too...

As an empathetic, caring person, I can understand why guilt would be coming up for you. However, it's so normal and human for you to find caring for another person (and for such a long time, with many ups and downs too) really tough. 

How have you been able to balance taking care of her and yourself? And do you have outlets/people you can go to when things are feeling hard for you?

I think it's really important that mum has lots and lots of other supports right now as well. I know trust is a big thing for her at the moment, but maybe coming to an anonymous space like this or an online support group might be helpful? She could even look into our guided recovery program here: RecoveryClub 

What are your thoughts? 💛☺️

[Dimity]

Hello @Whiplash 

As someone diagnosed bipolar I hear the incredible understanding and support you give your mum. I can well understand it feels too much at times, especially when she's relapsing and hospitalisation with a full-blown episode is looming again.

Does she herself recognise the pattern? For me there are things I recognise like stressing more, getting off track with usual activities, relationship tensions, spending patterns and the big one - changing sleep patterns especially insomnia. By knowing the pattern I can modify my behaviour. And I have the option of temporarily increasing my medication as previously agreed with my psychiatrist, and reaching out to him for guidance.  This plan successfully kept me out of hospital for many years. Unfortunately I relapsed recently after surgery but that was an exception.

Is your mother receptive to talking about things like this? I guess it depends on how well she is, and if she's already experiencing increased paranoia. 

Best wishes - happy to talk further if there's anything I might be able to help with.

[AuntGlow]

Thank you for your support and insight @Dimity 💛