bpd isn’t fun

[mouthwash]

if I’m posting this in the wrong section then please correct me!! (For context, My fp isn’t present in my life until i have a steady recovery plan/am showing improvements.) Watching my fp talk to others while I’m fully kinda cut off for an undisclosed amount of time is extremely distressing even though I know it’s just boundaries :,) All our friends are more theirs than mine so I don’t really have anyone to turn to. I feel like I’m being so irrational for getting triggered over this, it just feels like I’m being replaced in real time and I can’t ask about it or gain any reassurance on the matter. 

I’ve been really trying to throw myself into recovery while not having access to proper supports at the moment but this surge of distress kinda throws me back to square one, which is distressing because us being close again relies on me being recovered or improved. 

it kinda just feels like a losing game 

[tyme]

Welcome to the forums @mouthwash ! You're certainly in the right place! 

I have BPD and know first hand what you are talking about. 

I emotions are so real. So strong. So big!

I hear that BPD isn't fun... then again, I reckon I prefer BPD over other conditions lol. 

BPD has been incredible for me, despite the roller coaster of life.

I look forward to going into more detail hopefully tomorrow and my meds are kicking in and I need to hop off soon.

Once again, so nice to meet you and I'll see you around. 

Hang in there mate.