Not Coping

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I am still trying to find room for the furniture I had when I was living with other people last year. A lot of my things have been in storage but now I can't afford to pay for storage so I've had to find room in my little house to put extra furniture. I have a nice dining suite that I don't want to get rid of but am not sure if it will fit into my kitchen as the house I was in previously was much bigger. It had a games room for starters and my house doesn't!
So the suggestions I meant are things like writing down words of affirmation on post it notes, other self soothing mechanisms that people on the forum have suggested. I wondered if you had tried any of these things.

I am frustrated - not at you, just remember that - that you are still having to go through the dark times.

For me, I am doing really well and the new meds have kicked in so my mood swings have almost disappeared, my depression has lessened and my anxiety has dropped. All I have to do is curb my need to over spend on things I can't afford - typical BPD behaviour.

Talk to me, tell me what you want to talk about lovely, I'm all ears x

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh, okay, that would be annoying. 

Oh yeah, I think I told you I didn't do the self-affirmation because I didn't feel ready yet. I try and I just get more upset.

Gosh, I need your new med, haha. 

I'm so happy you're doing well. @ENKELI 

[Blackbird11]

I hope the evening is treating you well @Birdofparadise8 @Shaz51 @ENKELI @Snowie 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 so how are you feeling right now? On a scale of 1 - 10 how are you?

It's called HRT, you're waaaaaay too young for it lol!! Some of my friends won't go near it because of the apparent risk of cancer, others swear by it. I know one friend of mine said she would have been a complete mess had she not taken HRT and the cancer risk was worth it considering how much better she felt. I am the same. There is no history of the cancers it may cause and the risk is minimal. I actually have to have a blanket at night now whereas before I'd be covered in sweat by the morning. 
The only good thing about menopause is no more periods and cramps!

You mentioned speaking to your psych about the pool and having SI, is there something that happened over the weekend, or was it the loneliness?

Have you finished the diamond painting yet? Send me a pic when you've finished if you can, I'd love to see it 😍

[Birdofparadise8]

I'm a bit everywhere right now. I'm replying to an email. Oh yeah, I definitely am, haha. Or birth control I have the implonon in my arm and it lasts for three years. So far, I've had one period in about three months, so I won't complain. It's not like I really needed to get it anyway, seeing I don't have a boyfriend. 

Yes, for one, I just had a lot more negative feelings and some suicidal thoughts. It was just hard being so lonely, and there were not as many people on here as well. ( I think I was stressing that no one would talk to me.) I got a good chunk of my Lab report done. My psych is also on leave next week, so sad with everything going on. 
No, definitely not yet. I've only just started. @ENKELI 

How are you @Blackbird11 

What are you both doing tomorrow? I have a neurophysiology lab. 

[Blackbird11]

I'm doing good @Birdofparadise8 got out to the beach today, it was so nice. Tomorrow I start a new shift at work in the morning. Do you feel prepared for tomorrow @Birdofparadise8 ?

[Birdofparadise8]

Gosh, you're brave going to the beach @Blackbird11 

I would freeze. 

Yes, because we are learning how to pipette, which I learned two years ago, too. 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 while I am feeling motivated I will hopefully get more of my boxes sorted. My lounge room and carport are now filled with boxes that were in storage so I have to go through them and try and find room for them. It's going to be hard as I have over 100 pairs of shoes, mostly designer, as well as several dozen handbags, again designer that I need to find space for. I am a bit of a snob when it comes to shoes and handbags, most of my bags are Guess, I have a couple of Gucci as well. I have a lot of Guess shoes along with 9 West, Tony Bianco, Louboutin and others. I will have to look at selling them if I don't get a job in an office where I can wear them. Most of my wardrobe I bought when I was office manager for a Chamber of Commerce and I was basically the face of the organisation and always had to be dressed to the 9s. Of course I was also very well paid to be able to afford to buy designer label. Now my wardrobe consists of Shein, Kmart and Target!!

It's good that you had that time to work on your lab report but being alone for a good chunk of the long weekend can take a toll. I had my tablet with me but it was only on the second day that we found that we had internet access (the password was on the back of the room key duh!) and by that stage we had committed to going out for the majority of the day and evening.

How long is your psych away for, just the week?
I think the first thing you need to work on is coping mechanisms for when you're alone. Training your brain to think positive, have things in place to help you get through it.

I have found that at times when I am really depressed that it is more comfortable to remain in the cycle of misery that I am in rather than try and change it. Sometimes I will take forever getting out of my rut where I think I'll do that tomorrow, I'll apply for jobs tomorrow, I'll wash my hair tomorrow, it's easier to wallow in bed and cry because I am so miserable. 

It takes strength and time to get out of that behaviour but I know you can do it. And in the meantime you have people here who will keep looking after you, help hold you accountable if that's what you need and just listen when that's all you need xo😍

[Birdofparadise8]

Wow, you have designer handbags, Gucci. I am definitely jealous @ENKELI 

Aww, I'm sure you will get back there, Enkeli. By the way, target can be expensive. You can get a better dress at Dotti for cheaper when they are on sale, as well as other clothes. 

Can you sell them to get some money?

It's okay, Enkeli. You were having some good family time. 

Yeah, just next week. 

How would I find a coping mechanism that would even work for feeling alone? The only thing that makes me feel like I am not alone is that people are either physically present or talking here. 

Training my brain to think positively. Hmm, that doesn't sound easy. 

You wouldn't believe it. My psych validated something, and I just moved past it and said it wasn't important. I didn't even realise how often I did it until he mentioned it. It was automatic. That's weird, right?

Yes, I have people like you. You're so kind to me @ENKELI. 

Did you see my post I will only be here until 10 pm my time.

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I did see your post about only being around until 10 for a while. Why is that if it's okay to ask? You probably mentioned it but I've been distracted.

Yes, designer items are great when you can afford them but I really do need to stop being so sentimental and get rid of them if I am not going to wear them. My last 3 jobs were steel cap boots as I was working in transport and open shoes or heels were a no no. The handbags get used a lot though and I won't be getting rid of them! 

I accidentally took 2 anti anxiety tablets last night instead of one - I thought I hadn't taken one and was feeling a little uptight so took another one. Upshot was I slept in until 11.30 am as they interact with my night time medication and cause additional drowsiness.

I've got my laptop next to me and open to the Sane forum as often I will miss the email notifications.

Anything that requires re-training your brain will take time and be hard. Having been there and done that so to speak, it was hard and I felt like giving up at times but in the long run it was worth it.

I know you have had difficulties with the self soothing suggestions I've made so it's much more better good that I just chat with you and listen 😍💕