Not Coping

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member sometimes one must make sacrifices for others, sometimes that may include masking. The wellbeing of my family is more important than mine. I've learnt to hold my own ground

[Former-Member]

@creative_writer .. I hope you don’t mind I mention this, however I feel like I can see the bravery, the loneliness, and the pain in the sacrifices you make, and I want to acknowledge the resilience that takes, and how hard that is 💜🌺

we are here for you, and please know that freedom to be who you are and how you feel exists here 💜🙂🌺

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member this trauma is the loneliest thing I've been through. I've been faced with disbelief and avoidance from others. I never had anyone to turn to when it happened so naturally kept it to myself, until it felt too much to contain. I still feel guilty to this day talking about it. I also feel like I'm not supposed to trust people. This is due to my own experiences with others and what has been ingrained in my mind from parents

[Birdofparadise8]

I'm good thank you @creative_writer 

How are you?

Responese below @Former-Member 

So far he has said "your right that it was unfair and I'm sorry I didn't follow thought" 

next " It's a symptom of hoe I've been feeling in regards to our friendship" 

Next "I've been trying to push you into doing socially orientated things that we could do together instead of the one on one thing" 

symptom refers to "I didn't follow through becuase my priorites were with going out, I don't know many people and going out has been one of the only ways of meeting people" 

"but it also feels like were worlds apart, hard to bridge that gap. 

"age and experiences, but we have the shared experience of depression and anxiety"

me "I am mature though" 

Him "Yes and that's admirable" 

Me "we both like science", "why should things be about quantity and not quality".

him "sorry about not following though" 

I said "to be honest I thought you didn't like me enough to choose going out over spending time with me" then "this could also be my anxious attachment style talking". 

I have not got a text back yet since that. I am proud of myself however for letting him know how I feel. I bet even three months ago I would have left it. 

[Former-Member]

That’s so isolating and invalidating @creative_writer 😔💜  I do understand how the lack of acknowledgment can impact on a person, regarding not speaking about traumas, inability to trust, and patterns of expected or learned behaviours 

💜

just want to gently say that you’re not alone in your experience, and it’s that experience of loneliness that brings us all together here, where we can be unashamed of who we are and what we have survived, and what can help 🙂🌺

holding space for you @creative_writer 🙂🌺💜

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8 open communication is really helpful in relationships.

@Former-Member a lack of acknowledgement does really affect a person. I did what I had to do, I tried to silence the pain until I couldn’t. I still try to silence it, but it has its ways of creeping back in. Sometimes other people don’t know what to say or do, and that’s not their fault. You can’t always be seen and heard, as much as it may hurt. Having supportive people is a luxury rather than a necessity. I’ve survived dealing with stuff myself for a long time

[Birdofparadise8]

Yes it is @creative_writer 

I hope he isn't upset with that last bit I said. He has seen the message and no response yet. 

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Birdofparadise8 🙂

I think discussing how you feel is a great way to clear the air, as well as being true to yourself in trying to resolve what is happening 🙂 

I am very proud of you for expressing yourself, especially while using very clear, descriptive language 🙂

Hopefully this also is an opportunity for your friend to see how things can be different when also taking your ideas into consideration 🙂 xx

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @Former-Member 

I hope he will reply about that last part I sent him. I know he has looked at it. 

I'm just happy he said sorry. 

How is your study going? 

Mine is going okay. The quiz seems to have about 80% of the time as A as the correct response so it doesn't challenge me. 

Sorry if my spelling is all off. Grammarly has seemed to no be working. 

[Former-Member]

I want to gently say how commendable it is @creative_writer for having the strength to manage under the situations and circumstances youve described, for so long 💜 

Kindly, youre not alone here on the forums; you have people that know and understand trauma from the inside out, and hold space for you here 🙂