Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Um, I'm not sure I have that many strategies @Former-Member 

Okay, that sounds interesting. At least it keeps you occupied. I just want the sadness to go. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm doing a diamond art thing and have the TV on, so maybe that might distract me a little. 

Hi @ENKELI, You're not late compared to my roommates. They have only just gotten up, lol, at 3 p.m. I've been awake since 8:30, and they woke me up at 3 am while I was talking. 

I hope the cleaning goes well. I think the above describes how I'm feeling @ENKELI. I'm not okay today 😩😭.

I am safe, by the way. I'm not in a crisis or something. 

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member I think I’ll need a good amount of time before I jump into marriage, and that’s okay. I remember my cousin was initially engaged, broke it off and got engaged to someone more suitable afterwards. The right person matters. I just haven’t found a guy I feel safe with yet. But I am happy to hear you were able to experience a relationship where you did feel safe 💖

The pressure is on though, I am approaching my 30s and don’t have much longer left in my 20s.

It’s hard not to feel disgusted in myself at times, maybe the flashbacks don’t help. Taboo really does feed into the shame

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @creative_writer 

How are you?

With your talk of marriage and stuff, do you want kids? Are you dating someone?

I so do. When I was at the football last night, they were so cute in their little Carlton top.

[creative_writer]

Hi @Birdofparadise8 today hasn’t been great with flashbacks.

I’m not dating and never have. Maybe one day when I come across someone I feel safe with. I do want to have a kid or two. I feel like time is ticking, if I want them, I’m probably better off having them sooner rather than later. I’m already 29, I’m getting old

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 so what can we do to help you feel less sad?
What is the diamond art you're doing?

Your room mates sound like typical college party kids but if you're not a party person it can be a nightmare. I had neighbours who used to party like that. One time they started at 8pm on Friday night and finished at 1pm the next day. We had to call the cops several times. One of the many things I don't miss about living with ex friend.

I need to get into a proper sleeping pattern.

I'm listening to MTV on Foxtel, currently playing 80's music. I remember when these songs came out. I feel old. Arggh!!! Lol!

[Birdofparadise8]

Ah, okay, I saw you mentioned body flashbacks. Can I ask what that involves? 

Ah, yes, I'd also like to have kids around 30. You could get on the dating apps. @creative_writer 

I don't know @ENKELI. I'm sorry. It's flowers. I haven't done much. 

No, they don't drink and party. They are the opposite and stay in playing computer games. 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8 it involves reliving body sensations from trauma. That’s all I’m going to say on here.

The thing is, I just haven’t met any guys that make me feel safe enough. Nobody really makes me feel safe anyway, I don’t even fully feel safe in therapy

[ENKELI]

@creative_writer oh honey, I am so sorry you have been through that type of trauma. Once your "space" has been violated it is so hard to get it back.

You're in my thoughts and prayers lovely, and hope that someday soon you will feel comfortable in your own skin again.

Hugs 🤗😍

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 ah yes you mentioned that they were gamers. To each their own I suppose but I couldn't imagine staying up until 1am playing a game.

Is there anything interesting on TV? 

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh okay, that sounds hard. I'm sorry @creative_writer 

More like 3 or 4 @ENKELI 

Tell me lies on Disney.