😭

[Blackcloud]

Seems like I’m gonna be crying every night basically. I’m not even joking seriously.

Can’t wait till I’ll be able to have a chat to my psychologist which will be on next Monday 30th Dec.

[Captain24]

Hi @Blackcloud 

Im sorry you are struggling so much. 

Is there any particular reason for the crying or is it just general pain? 

I’m here if you want a chat

[Blackcloud]

Hi @Captain24 its just that everytime I think about my mum telling me about her and my aunty wanting to assign me a male that I need to be in a relationship with before “it’s too late” (in her opinion) — unfortunately for her she considers early 20s to be the age where people (especially females) are supposed to be in a relationship and get married at as she was born and raised in a culture that pretty much does that? 😭 

like my aunty is planning to assign a guy in our ethnic country to me either the year after or so as my mum did say that it’ll happen in 2 or 3 years time that I’d need to be in a relationship…

and everytime I think about that, as well as the fact that she considers starting a relationship “later” than that particular age group to be “too late”. And yet whenever I told her I don’t ever wish or want to be in a relationship, she strongly opposes that decision because she wants me to be with someone who can like “look after me even when I get old” and stuff like that…

I even told a few diffeeent mental health professionals (my counsellor and psychologist) about this issue as well like a few times already since it’s like I can’t seem to even get free from my mum’s expectations and values….like she totally took my freedom away already so that’s why I always have to cry about it everytime I think about why I can’t have parents who don’t mind their kids being single regardless of their age and their reason/decision for it…

fyi she first told me that my aunty wants to introduce me to a guy in our ethnic country back in august. But then soon after she told me that my aunty will find other guys there for me that I need to be with and that it’ll happen within the nextv2-3 years when I’ll have to be with him…and don’t worry they’re males that are like 1 year older than me or at least 2 years older than me I hope

[Blackcloud]

@Captain24 I have so many things about this particular South East Asian culture (which is what I am) that I can criticise because of its traditional values and beliefs that my parents still hold to this day…and they can’t even accept the fact that these kinds of things have changed/become progressive in this world. And it seems that not all countries have started to accept the progressive ones either which is even more sad and messed up if u think about it. Especially when you belong to a culture that’s that.

[Captain24]

I’m so sorry that it’s being forced on you @Blackcloud. That must be so hard and confusing. 

I understand that in some cultures it’s what is expected and obviously they still are deeply in bedded in that culture. 

I don’t know what to say other than I’m sitting with you in this. 

For me I’m in my late 40’s and still very much single. I’m ok with that and prefer my life to stay that way. 

[Blackcloud]

@Captain24 yeah so I continue to question myself every now and then “why was I even born into this culture for?” And even though my mum does know a lot about how much I’m still struggling mentally and emotionally even the fact that I’m someone that always struggles to maintain friendships and all that, she doesn’t even care at the end of the day. All she cares about is pushing her values onto her kids (well mainly me cause I’m the only one that’s verbal whereas my sister is non-verbal) just because those values are part of our culture and it’s something that in her eyes that we “have to follow”..

[Captain24]

I do understand the questioning but in a different way @Blackcloud. I question why I was born into the family that I have. I call myself the white sheep of the family as they aren’t very nice people so I think of them as the black sheep. 

So I’m guessing your mum won’t listen to your needs? 

Is there anyway you can buck the culture? Or it’s just what it is?